Famous

38.

Billie's POV

It's been a week.

A week since I heard the news of Alexis

A week since my world fell apart.

A week since my heart got ripped out of my chest.

It's my fault I was behind the steering wheel.

I'm no good, no good for anyone, anything I touch dies.

I shot Chloe.

I killed Alexis.

I'm not wired for this place, love isn't something for me, everything I love gets damaged.

"But I will love you, Alex," I whisper while I hold the little boy carefully in my arms. "I will love you and I won't let anyone hurt you, you're safe with me. You will never know your mom but I will make sure you'll feel like you know her by the time you turn 18. I will make sure you know who the amazing woman is that got you on this earth when she left. I will make sure you can be proud of her because she sure is someone to be proud of, to look up to." I whisper.

I sigh and sit down on the couch. I currently live with Finneas and Claudia, in their apartment. I couldn't stand being in Alexis' house and I couldn't stand being in mine either. There are too many memories, everywhere.

Alex is currently living with me, Fin and Claudia too. Simon comes to visit sometimes but he said he can't take care of him yet because he reminds him of Alexis too much. He is completely right, Alex is a little baby copy of Alexis. And where that gives Simon pain, it brings me peace. There's something so peaceful in our little boy, just like Alexis.

Besides the feelings of guilt, I'm feeling somewhat okay. Not in an 'I'll-get-over-this-kinda-way', but I haven't been crying for 4 days now, it feels like I've cried out all the tears I have left and now I'm just numb. Numb to everything. There's a hole left in me that I'm afraid nobody will be able to fill. My mind shuts sound out, all feelings. It just feels like I've been living on autopilot. My body does all the daily things that I have to do like eating and showering, without I'm thinking about it.

The only time I feel any kind of warmth in me is when I look at Alex and he giggles. He looks so much like her.

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"We gathered here to commemorate Alexis," Finneas says. "There are a lot of other people that would be better to talk about Alexis then I am, but my sister, Billie and her caregiver, Britt are too hurt to talk about her right now. I think we all know what an amazing person Alexis was, she was still so long and this should not have happened. She was so positive, she was such a happy and talented person." He says and takes a break of silence.

"While she left the place, she gave something in return, I think everyone knows she was pregnant, her son, Alex survived. He will never know who his mom is, but he will have a lot of positive people around him that will help him in his life, that will catch him when he falls and that will all keep his mom alive with stories. He will know his mom." He ends.

"Let's now keep a moment of silence to remember Alexis." He says.

After the official part of the funeral, I'm about to walk off to Finneas' car already because I don't feel like talking to anyone.

Suddenly someone stops me walking. I look up to see a somewhat older man, a little older than my dad.

"Billie?" He asks.

"Oh yeah, that's me," I say confused.

"Do you know who I am?" He asks. I shake my head, still confused.

"I'm George, George Jones." He says.

George-
Alexis' dad
Now I recognize him.

"Oh, hi," I say, not really knowing what to say. "You were at the funeral?" I ask quietly. "Yeah." He says.

"Is that- my-?"

I nod. "Alex," I say.

"That's a beautiful name. He looks a lot like her." He says.

"Yeah, he does." I agree.

"Can I hold him?" He asks.

I hesitate, I know for a fact Alexis would never let this man hold her kids, but this time it's different, he's hurt too, I can see it in his eyes. We have to be here for each other in times like this.

I nod a little and hand him over.

——————————

After we got home again, Finneas' home, I immediately go back to my room and place Alex in his crib and then I lay down on my bed.

I'm broken

I don't know if I'm going to make this out alive
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*authors note*
This is it, this journey is over.

The ending.

I'm so sorry, I don't want this to be 'this is so cruel, this is the worst'. Because I hate it too, they were perfect for each other😭.

Okay, I might write an alternative ending to this that is a little more bright, because I also have that kind of ending in my head, so I might write that and upload it later this week if I don't then this is it, the ending of this Billie fanfic.

Thank you so much for reading! I love you all! Stay safe in those weird times, I know I said this like a million times already, but I mean it.