Please spare me, Villain!

Chapter 38

!Trigger warning- mental health and suicidal thoughts!

I was scared, I was really really scared. If I keep losing my memories... I'll become crazy, like him?

I can't kill myself but I can't kill anyone else either. But wait, he said he hated being mortal, I don't really care either way.

I'm not going to become like him right?

I need to remember everything, but how?

"Hey, Alice." Ian greeted as he entered the next morning.

"A-Alice?" I stuttered out as chills ran down my spine. "Did you just call me Alice?" I clenched and unclenched my fists in an attempt to calm myself.

"Huh, Alice? Who's that? I said Autumn." Ian looked at me confused and slightly worried.

"Oh." My body deflated as the tension escaped from me.

Maybe I was overreacting? It's because I didn't sleep all night I must have misheard it.

But what if I didn't mishear it? What if he did start calling me Alice? Is this what that man was talking about? How you slowly lose every ounce of what makes you, you?

"Did you not sleep all night? You look exhausted." Ian grabbed my face and examined it. "You need to sleep." He tried pushing me down to sleep but I began fighting him.

"N-no, I don't want to sleep. Please don't make me go to sleep." I begged him while gripping onto his elbows.

"What's wrong with you Alice?" He took a step back but continued examining my face.

"Stop calling me Alice!" I yelled at him while covering my ears.

"No, I didn't call you..." Ian pressed the emergency button signalling for the nurses to come and take care of me.

"Miss. Adams, please stop struggling. We must sedate you and take you back to the operating theatre your wound has reopened." The nurse calmed me down for a moment and it was then that I finally felt the pain in my stomach, an excruciating pain.

When did my wound reopen? No that's not important, I don't want to go to slee...

I awoke with a startle as a feeling of helplessness overwhelmed in my dreams.

Again I felt myself losing my memories as I lay there in the dark unable to recall even the simplest things about my mother.

I can't sleep, if I sleep I'll forget, if I sleep I'll become like him.

I felt a haunting presence beneath my bed begging me to look at it.

No, I won't do it. I won't kill myself.

But even as I tried to tell myself that I found myself shakily crawling over to the edge of the bed. Throwing a glance  underneath it to see the gun he had given me resting just below. I gasped as I realised my hand was making its way towards the gun before jerking back up.

A sharp pain through my stomach knocked the breath out of me and just for a moment I thought... I thought about how I wouldn't feel like this if I was immortal.

The pain then was easier to handle, it left as quick as it came. But now this damn pain kept coming and going, waning and worsening.

I felt bile rise up in my throat as his words echoed in my mind. Didn't he say I would start yearning for immortality? Does that mean I'll become like him? Kill someone like him?

I felt my body slacken with fatigue and against my will I fell asleep, probably losing another piece of me in the process.

Then when I woke up with what little I could remember I tried to write it down but I failed to. I felt helpless, my memories were being blown away with every blink of my eye and yet I couldn't even try to leave myself something to remind me of them.

I couldn't tell anyone, if I told anyone I would be locked up in a psych ward for sure. Ian was already suspicious of how I was acting. Samuel was completely unaware but if I tried to tell him any of this he would surely look at me like I was crazy.

But then suddenly Luther who knew everything offered for me to tell him whatever I could so he could let me remember. I was ecstatic, even if I was forced to forget, someone could remember for me.

But then a few days passed and he didn't come and I felt as if he had forgotten me... I was left a bouquet with a note by that man to remind me of my memories.

And just as that thought of being forgotten appeared a feeling of panic overwhelmed me. Who's to say that the characters in this book would be able to remember my memories if I couldn't? Surely he would forget too and then what would happen? Would I become crazed?

I was already feeling insane at this moment in time. But the fact that there was a possibility of Luther forgetting what I'd told him, maybe even forgetting me left me unable to catch my breath.

In my deranged state I finally reached under my bed, grabbing the thing that had been taunting me for weeks.

Wouldn't it be better to die than to forget everything, to be forgotten or to even end up hurting someone?