OVERCOME // B.E

t h i r t y - f i v e

b i l l i e

week four; it's been four weeks since i told jj that we needed a break.

it's weird not texting her and talking to her everyday. for the first two weeks, i'd go to send her a good morning text or tell her about something that had happened, only to delete the text because i remembered that we were on a break; that i said no contact.

but i've been trying to not think about her or the break, and just get through the day. every time i think about it, i get upset and my mind gets clouded with negative thoughts. it's not a very fun experience.

at this point, i can't do anything about the situation, so there's no point in wasting time worrying over it.

"billie?" finneas called out, snapping in my face.

i looked over at him, raising a brow. "huh?"

"you okay?" he asked.

"yeah, i'm good." i mumbled.

"well, me and claudia were about to go get something to eat, would you wanna come with us?"

"sure." i nodded.

we were currently in new york. i have a few interviews scheduled for today: two for genius, and then later i'm going on the tonight show starring jimmy fallon to perform at the end of tonight's episode. as of right now though, i don't have anything to do.

last time i was in new york, jessie was with me.

it was snowing whenever we were here last time. she had been excited as hell to see it, and it was honestly adorable.

i let out a sigh as i followed him and claudia out of the hotel lobby. i walked behind them on the sidewalk, shoving my hands into my pants pockets.

"where is the restaurant anyways?" i asked.

"just a block away." claudia answered.

"they better have bean burritos."

"i swear that's all you ever eat." claudia shook her head, while fin chuckled.

"because they're good as fuck. i mean, can you blame me?"

she shrugged. "they're alright."

"i won't accept this slander," i narrowed my eyes. "bean burritos are way more than alright. they're, like, the best thing ever, bro."

we walked into the restaurant, getting a table for three. the waiter handed us a menu, then asked what we wanted to drink before walking off.

i read over the menu, nodding in approval as i saw that they had bean burritos.

"so, you excited for tonight?" fin asked, referring to performing on the tonight show.

"i'm nervous," i admitted. "a lot of people watch that shit, bro."

"yeah, but it's just like performing at your shows. you've got this." he assured.

"i know, but i'm still nervous," i sighed. "it's gonna be fun though."

"hell yeah it will be." he agreed.

the waiter came back with our drinks. "have y'all decided on what to eat yet?"

we all nodded and she took our orders. she was about to walk off again, but she stopped, turning to face me. "i'm sorry, but you're billie eilish, right?"

"yeah." i gave a smile.

"i love your music," she gushed. "can i get a picture?"

"of course, love." i nodded, watching as she pulled out her phone.

she bent down so that she could get a good angle that had both of us in the picture. i put up a peace sign, with a smile. she took a few pictures before standing up straight again.

"thank you so much," she grinned. "oh, you and your girlfriend are really cute, by the way."

"oh, uh, thank you." i gave a small smile, shifting uncomfortably in my chair.

"of course." she nodded, before giving a small wave as she walked off to get our orders.

i let out a sigh as i propped my elbow on the table so that i could place my head in my hand.

"you good, bil?" finny asked.

"yeah," i nodded. "i just wish she wouldn't have brought jj up."

"you say that as if you're broken up," his brows furrowed. "it's just a break, right? it's not that bad."

"yeah, but if this break doesn't work, then it will be a break up," i mumbled. "if she gets worse, i can't be— i can't. i don't fuck with that stuff."

him and claudia frowned. "i'm sure she's at least trying." claudia tried to be optimistic.

"i hope so."

<~~~~~>

"jesus fucking christ, i'm tired." i complained as i slouched into the car after i had done my performance on the late night show.

"me too." finny agreed with a yawn.

i leaned my head on his shoulder as everybody else got into the car, getting settled in. once everybody was buckled, we started heading back to the hotel. it took a while though, considering the new york traffic.

once we got to the hotel and went up to our floor, i gave everyone a hug and told them goodnight before retiring to my hotel room. i took a quick shower, then changed into a pair of sweat shorts and a t-shirt.

i laid in bed, getting in bed. i got on my phone, going to my explore page on instagram. i looked through my fan pages' posts, liking some of them.

i scrolled to one though, which happened to be an edit of me and jj, with "in luv with u" by finn as the audio. i cursed under my breath as tears filled my eyes.

i turned my phone off, rolling to lay on my back and stare up at the ceiling as the tears started slowly falling.

right now, for all i know, jessie could be high. she could be high, not caring about trying to get better. she could've chosen weed over me, which scares me.

or she could at least be trying to get better. i know it's easier said than done to just stop an addiction, but i hope she's trying. i hope that she realizes that she needs to try and get better because this could end really bad for her.

i lifted my arm to use my forearm to wipe at my eyes, letting out a small, sad sigh. this whole situation sucks, and i hate that a break was the only solution i could think of.

i miss jessie.

she never fails to make my day better, even when i'm at my lowest. not being able to talk to her sucks. i don't like it.

i just hope she misses me just as much as i miss her so she'll try to get better.

<~~~~~>

a/n this chapter is rushed and short and bad, i'm sorry

thoughts?

gimme suggestions for chapters in billie's pov because my mind keeps blanking—

how are y'all? are y'all good? personally, i'm reallyyy good :)

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