As Sick As Her

26

Ruth Foster

I run into Atticus outside of Orion's office. He's just standing there, rubbing his temple. He's deeply thinking of something, but what? "Hi," I manage to speak up. I'm not going to lie, he scares me.

But then again, I'm easily scared.

"Is she in there?" I want to mentally punch myself. Clearly she's in there, "I mean—can I go in?"

"She's drinking," Atticus replies.

I raise an eyebrow, "Drinking? It's like eight."

It's bright out, and sunny. I don't see why she's drinking so early this morning, "Is she okay?" I ask, wondering if she's upset with me. I haven't done anything, or at least I don't think so. Did I?

"She'll be fine when she sees you," Atticus shrugs and walks off without another word. Weird.

I shrug as well, and open the office door. There she is. Beautiful, and holding a glass in her hand, drinking out of it. "You were gone when I woke up," I say, "If you wanted to touch me last night, you could've done so. Is that why you're upset?"

"I can touch you whenever I want," Orion replies cockily, "And I'm not upset. I'm just thinking."

"Well then. Share your thoughts with me."

I walk over and take the seat which is located in front of her, "I want to know what goes on in that twisted little mind of yours," I laugh slightly.

"Wouldn't want to scare you off," Orion replies.

Nothing can scare me off. Not now. "I'm not scared. Even if I was, where would I run off to?" I ask.

"To some princess in shiny armor."

I raise an eyebrow, "I think you're thinking of 'Knight in shining armor,' Not princess," It's hard not to laugh at her, especially when she's acting so ridiculous. "Who needs a princess, when you can have a queen. Stop being so annoying, what's wrong with you?" I've never seen her like this.

"Who says there's anything wrong with me?"

"I do. I can see right through you," I reply.

"No. You can't."

I nod, "I can. You're upset about something."

"Am not. I'm just drinking," She takes a sip.

"At eight in the morning," I reply, "That's unhealthy, and not normal. You're upset."

Orion rolls her eyes at me, "I'm fine."

"Says everyone who's not fine," I reply.

"Well, I'm not everyone," Orions says, "And I don't need you here trying to fix anything. I'm fine."

"I'm not in the mood to fix whatever's broken with you anyways, but I can't help but care. You're sulking, and drinking. You can't expect me to leave you here like this. But if you do, I'm sure there's someone else who would love my presence."

"I love your presence. Stay," Orion smiles, "Actually, no. Go get dressed. I owe you a date."

• • •

Orion didn't speak on the ride to wherever it is she's taking me. This part of her scares me. She's normally unpredictable, just how she likes it, but I'd like to believe that recently, we've been changing. Not just us, but our relationship as a whole. Relationship. It's such a big word to use.

It's more of a situationship, one that I like.

Once we arrive, she's still quiet. It's not a picnic this time. "This is where I first killed someone," She takes me to an alley. There's graffiti on on side of the brick building wall, and then it's plain on the other. There's box's around, and trash splattered on the floor. "Not physically. I mean mentally."

"It's also where I first saw my father kill someone."

I nod, still not understanding why she decided to take me here. This isn't what I expected when she said she'd take me out on that "Date." Is this her plan to kill me? Is this what she's upset about?

"You're scaring me," I admit.

"It was years ago. I must've only been a child then since the memory is slowly faded. I remember my father being upset. Some drug dealer who used to sell his shit here, was trying to take away his customers. My father was just some product pusher then, but still fearless. Still merciless," Orion begins, still scaring me, "After looking for him, he found him here, high off of his own product. I can't remember why I was here with him, but I was. Before my father even his hands on the man, I was dreaming of ways that he could die."

I can tell talking about this, is hurting her in ways I can't even begin to imagine. I don't think I can ever understand the way Orion's head works, but I can tell this is her way of trying to open up. "My father had two options," She says, "Two choices."

"Which were?"

"Slit his throat, or shoot him. A gunshot to the head, that's all it would take. Eventually, he chose. Gunshot to the head. On the car ride home, he asked me a question. He looked me in the eyes, and asked me what I would've done. Thinking he'd understand me, I told him that I wouldn't have killed the man. That it was unnecessary to kill."

It's hard to imagine it, Orion not wanting to kill anyone. "That was the first time he laid hands on me. He beat me when we got home, called me weak. Told me that I brought shame onto our family name, and that I shouldn't have been born."

"Hey," I grab her hand, and lift it up to my lips. I press a gentle kiss on it, "Fuck your father."

"Yeah, but somehow I can't help but want to impress him. Make him proud. It's like I still seek his validation, even if he's dead," Orion admits, "And more than anything, all I want to do, is kiss you without feeling like I'm committing a sin."

"Your father has taken your childhood from you, just like he's taken mine. Don't let him take this away from us. You deserve a chance to be happy," I kiss her hand again, "Give yourself that chance. Give me that chance. I want nothing more."

She has feelings. This isn't the same girl who told me that she'd slit my throat, or cave my mouth off as I slept. This is Orion, my Orion. The girl that likes head massages, and me sleeping besides her.

This isn't a monster.