As Sick As Her

29

Orion King

Why does she have to be so perfect? All I've been thinking about for the past few weeks, have been Ruth. We get married tomorrow, and I still haven't spoken to her since that day in the car. I told her this was a mistake, that us, whatever we were, was a mistake. It isn't, and only a fool can think that.

"Tell me you didn't know," I yell at my idiot brother, Adonis. The youngest, and the stupidest. "Creed. You told me you were doing business with him the night before you fucked the woman I told you not to, and now, I'm hearing that he's doing business with Petrova, smuggling drugs for her. Tell me you didn't know, Adonis." The amount of anger I have right now, is incomparable. I miss Ruth. She's my sanity, and without her, I'm afraid.

Afraid of what I can do. I haven't been sleeping, which is only adding on to my paranoia. I never slept well before, but ever since her, I haven't been able to sleep without her fingers massaging my head, or just the thought that she's right there besides me, dreaming peacefully. I miss her more than I would like to admit. As much as I'd like to convince myself that this was nothing but a fling, and that I didn't really catch feelings, I can't.

I caught feelings for her, and it hurts like a bitch.

"I didn't know," Adonis replies.

Rucifer chimes in, "Creed is one of the best smugglers alive. Who wouldn't want to work with him?" He's right. Creed isn't on my side. He's allowed to work with whoever he wants, but him working with Petrova just makes him my target.

"Then he needs to die," I make up my mind.

Atticus shakes his head, "You're getting married tomorrow, Orion. This is supposed to be historic, a merger between two notorious families. You can't go out, and do something as drastic as killing Creed. It isn't smart, or safe. You're not thinking clearly."

"Last I checked, I could go whatever I want. I'm boss, I don't have to answer to any of you," I speak, "If I want to go out and kill creed, then t—"

"You're not going out to kill anyone," Her voice appears from behind me. I don't know why I'm so surprised to see her. She lives here. She was supposed to be in this meeting, but because of what happened, and the fact that Atticus wouldn't let us see each other so close to the wedding, I decided to keep it in the family like it was before. Just me and my brothers, just like it was before she came.

Ruth. The woman I can't seem to take my mind off of, the one who runs freely in my mind, and corrupts it. "Isn't it karma for us to be in the same room?" I raise an eyebrow at her, trying not to smile, "Wouldn't want you leaving me at the alter."

"I came to get water," Ruth moves to the refrigerator, opens it, and grabs a cold water bottle.

"Well since you're here, stay," I tell her.

Ruth shakes her head, "Karma, remember."

She leaves before I can get another word in. I mentally beat myself up. That could've gone better than it did, instead I just let her leave. "I won't kill him. But I want eyes and ears in his club. If anyone even coughs up her name, I want to know."

They all nod, "Yes, Jefe."

After the meeting, I make my way to my office. I can't go to my room, it all reminds me of her. She's only been in there a handful amount of times, but my bed smells like her. It's infuriating because I can't have her, but also soothing, because I can fall asleep to the smell of her, even if it's just for a little while. Not being able to touch her, is killing me.

A knock on my office door snaps me from my thoughts, "Come in," I call out, and my brother appears. Rucifer stands there holding an envelope in his hand. "Well, what is it?" I question him.

"Something you might be interested in," He walks over, and hands me the envelope. It's a white one, with the name Ruth spelled out in beautiful penmanship. Black fading ink. Her mother.

I raise an eyebrow at him, "Where did you get this?" Any trace of her mother is gone. No one remembers her. Only distant family members who are soon to die from old age, and the journal.

The journal which Ruth reads back and fourth like the fucking bible. "Turns out Eric was hiding something. A storage unit. He had cash stored in a duffel, and that," He points to the envelope.

"And why are you digging into Ruth's father?"

"If you want to win her back, you should give it to her as a gift," Rucifer ignores my question, which slightly scares me, "You can't afford to fail."

"But it would work out in your favor," I reply, referring to our deal. If I fail, I give ownership to him. It still hurts me knowing that I betrayed Atticus, but I know I won't fail. "Doesn't it?"

Rucifer freezes, "I'll see you at the wedding," and walks right out of my office. He's planning. I know he is. If anything, he's already mapped out a plan to initiate if I fail. Which I won't, I'm certain of it.

I examine the envelope in my hands, and stare at it. It takes everything in me to not rip it open and read whatever's inside, but I've already screwed up with Ruth once, and I refuse to do it again. I can't afford to. Not because I need her, but because I want her. I want something with her. I want better with her.

I think back to what she said before: "There is no peace. Not for you." I'm no saint. I've taken lives, and tortured people. For as long as I can remember, I've thrived on this idea of death, and believed that I was invincible. I thought if I didn't care about dying, that I'd somehow live forever. Not physically of course, but through what I leave behind in this world. The ghost. My reputation.

My legacy.

I make my way to her room, and slide the envelope under her door. "It's okay if you don't want to talk, or see me. I get it. I lied that day in the car when I said that this—us was a mistake. It wasn't. Isn't."

I press my ear on her door, hoping to hear movements, but I don't. "I'll see you at the alter," I finish, and walk back to my room. I finally fall asleep to the image in my head of her reading the letter, and smiling down at her mother's words. Such beauty, and yet, so much pain in each line.