Zero Falls (Season 2)-CONTINUED

Soos And the Real Girl-Part Two

"Mayor Soos?" Dipper said, incredulously.

Standing on the porch, was non other than the town's own mayor. And what made this even more strange, was that Soos was wearing a fake moustache and glasses.

"Wait, how did you know it was me?" Soos asked, then pointed to his moustache. "The website I ordered this disguise from, guaranteed that it was of high quality."

"You'd get along with Shooting Star," Bill noted, looking him up and down.

"Mayor Soos, what are you doing here?" Dipper asked.

Soos removed the fake moustache, wincing in the process, then looked the Guardian in the eye. "I need your help."

"OK, but how did you know to come here?" Bill questioned.

The mayor shrugged. "I didn't, I pretty much assumed that Guardians supervise the people who draw in the most danger. So, I listed down citizens who are frequently attacked, threatened, and potentially maimed...and you dudes were the first on my list."

"Good point," Bill murmured. "So, what's your problem, a gnome stole your mini fridge or something?"

"Oh don't worry, I have a specialise task force for that," Soos said. "Actually, I have another problem, one that's pretty big."

Dipper made a curt nod, and gestured inside. "Very well, come inside, and tell us all about it."

Soos gave a sheepish look, and obliged. The three headed to the living space, and sat around a dinner table. Dipper observed how ragged Soos's clothing were, and how his eyes shifted around nervously, specifically at the television for some reason. The Guardian felt bad for the mayor. Soos had already been manipulated by Gideon and possessed by Demons, it was understandable why he acted so fidgety. Whatever spooked him this time, Dipper felt determined to fix it, not only because it was his responsibility, but to hopefully put some ease on this man's otherwise stressful life.

"Now, explain what happened," Dipper told him.

Soos fiddled with his tie, with an expression of discomfort, like the thing was too tight around his neck. Finally, he huffed a breath, and spoke;

"It's not easy to explain," He noted. "The best way I can do it, is by starting at the beginning. Before I became mayor and met my lovely wife, I was your average mid-twenty citizen who lived with their grandma."

"I don't like where this is heading," Bill chimed in.

Dipper hushed him, and motioned for Soos to continue.

"Anyway, soon, I thought about dating," Soos explained. "The only problem was, I sucked at talking to women. No matter how many dating advices I searched on YouTube, I couldn't get it right. So, I thought the only way to improve my flirting skills, was to practice."

"Oh, so you went speed dating or you asked a friend for help?" Dipper assumed.

"Did you practice on your pillow?" Bill remarked.

"Not quite," The mayor said, sheepishly. "One day, I went to this store and...you two ever heard of those old shojo dating sims?"

Bill's brow furrowed. "OK, now I really don't like where this is heading."

"What's a dating sim?" Dipper asked.

"I don't know how to explain it, without making humanity look bad," The blond said.

"It's a video game where you date a virtual person, with pre-made choices, and a redo button so you never have to face the consequences of your words," Soos answered.