🍁Hasi🍁

🍁Chapter:09🍁

Chapter:09

🍁Isha's Pov🍁

My ears rang just as I sat down in front of him. Aryan just stated at the wall in front of him, he appeared lost but something within felt frozen. 

  If the people around you are leaving then maybe the problem is you. 

I shook my head and sighed, barely keeping myself from crying. I should have seen this coming but as always I was too trusting. I always make the same mistake and this time it has cost me everything. 

Maybe I should stop. I should finally stop wearing my heart and my empathy on my sleeve. The people I helped out of the goodness of my heart keep plunging and ripping it apart.

I stared up at him but he remained unmoving, I was sure if he was in his right mind, he would jump at my tears,  but in his pain neither could he see me nor could I him.

There's only so much you can give until you finally run out of it.

I racked my hand through my hair shakily and looked at the window, but all I saw was my pale face and red eyes. I quickly diverted my attention before I cried again. It rained outside and I remembered the once happy little girl who loved the rain so much she ran around the house in excitement to be let out, nothing, no amount of scolding could taint her joy. I remembered her...the little child. I remembered myself just a few years ago, by default my defense mechanism had been to shrug off every hurtful thing and replace it with laugh and giggles. I dug a hole each time my heart had been hurt and buried every cause of my sadness  into that grave.

Now, I had dug so many graves that there was no land left unturned. No place for me to hide, no where for me to find joy. 

Those droplets that once were a nectar of peace, were nothing more than just water falling on the ground.

I glanced back at him through the reflection. He was still lost. But I had seen a small tear slip out of thee corner of his eye and my heart clenched.

I fucked your bestfriend just as you're fucking mine.

I jumped lightly at the voice in my head.

 I now noticed my palms had little crescent marks lined with a thin veil of blood and then I realized I had been clenching my hands so hard my nails drew blood from them.

Zinda rehne ke layak ho tum?  (Do you deserve to be alive?)

I stopped rubbing my hands when I realized the blood only increased. My father had barked these words out to me when they found me in the storeroom that day, covered in blood.

I stared up at Aryan once again, this time he was looking at me. 

Men these days do not care.

 But he did care. At least he did for the time being, if one day he too wishes to leave me, I would not attach myself to him. But what was stopping us from doing that could help us both? I needed something other than my thoughts, my focus needed to be diverted. That's what I had always done, ignored the pain, replaced it, never confront it.

And now all I could feel was pain.

It was too intense for me to push away, too intense for me to ignore. But what I could do right not, was replace it. 

So without thinking I kissed him.

Maybe it was a mistake, maybe he would push me away or maybe he would be so disgusted he'd refuse to see my face. But when I thought of pulling away...he returned my touch with a fervor so fierce I was left breathless.