Gym Bros ✔️

Part 23

Chan was on his way home on the metro.
He was all alone. Changbin didn't work today and he had left the gym earlier. So Chan spent the train ride on his own.

Even though he always enjoyed company, Chan also liked being left alone from time to time.
He felt at peace when he got space to just think for a while and he often got this opportunity in the evenings after work.
So usually he was alright about spending his way home with just himself.
But of course, today felt different.

He had been with Changbin for so many continuous hours, that his absence was really noticeable. Chan's surroundings felt even more quiet and even less lively now.
It was hard to focus on anything else.

Chan had been starting to get more and more aware of how much time he had spent just thinking about his friend.
And maybe it was time to admit to these thoughts and determine their cause.
Chan knew his friendship with Changbin made him feel a little different than all the other friendships he had but he always just brushed it off and thought that maybe the two of them just were a little closer than average.
But he also knew he still cared about his image in front of Changbin. Chan could never quite get rid of his subtle self-doubts.
He continued to make an effort with his appearance every day and always worried if he had made a good enough impression.
This mostly happened subconsciously so it wasn't a significant struggle but Chan still felt like it was wrong. He wanted to just let go and be comfortable around his friend but he knew there was more to it.
He would never say it out loud, but he knew he just wanted to be Changbins number one.
He needed to be his priority, his favorite friend. That's what all of the effort went into.

Chan remembered what the man said earlier today. He could barely trace the sentences back, he felt too overwhelmed at the time.

The train went over a bump on the tracks and began to shake. It only lasted for a moment but it was enough to pull Chan out of his thoughts.
He sighed and rubbed his hands over his eyes and forehead.
»None of this is worth it«
He quietly mumbled without realizing.
»It could be so easy«

Deep down. Very very deep, Chan was aware there was way more to it.
He always kind of knew.
Or at least he had always felt that way.
It could be so easy to just admit to his emotions and to let them out freely.
But then he would have to deal with the consequences. And by no means did he want to end up as a fool with his hopes crushed.
It was way way easier to just bottle everything up and never even think about it.
He wouldn't admit to anything.

The train would arrive at his station soon.
And then he'd be all alone in the quiet of his room again. And he wouldn't see Changbin over the weekend.
Well, he had seen him a lot already over the week, it was fine. They had a great time together. Hopefully, the other would come and stay at his apartment one day again.
His company was so pleasant.
His presence felt so positive.
Hopefully, they could get some time on their own together again.
It was so nice to be with just him.

When the two were alone together it never felt awkward, just kind of... intimate.
The thought of Changbin staying over felt so right. Chan somehow wanted to have him at his home every day to spend every second with him. It just felt so lovely. They got along so well and nothing was ever uncomfortable.
Chan wondered what else was okay for them to do.... He would never admit to anything.
But if things ever went anywhere, he wouldn't prevent it.

Without really thinking, Chan took his phone out of his pocket.
He mindlessly swiped through his home screen before opening the messenger app.
He started to notice where his fingers were leading him when they hovered over Changbin's name in the contact list.
He realized he wanted to text Changbin,
he couldn't wait for the whole weekend to pass by. He had spent so many days without him before but somehow just a few minutes alone felt cruel now.
Chan knew he needed to come up with an excuse to meet up.