Choosing Him

Chapter 37

Continued....

"What is this Areesha?" He asked her again in a deadly calm voice and Areesha gulped. She had wanted to hide her ugly part from him in fear that he would stop loving her then so she always kept her arms covered but he had seen those scars by chance. 

She cursed herself for not covering her arms properly. The scars that represented how weak she was as a person and as a muslim. Even though she knew how much she meant to him the insecurities always managed to creep in.

"Areesha why would you harm yourself? This is haram." He said softly searching her face for any expression but she was expressionless.

"Its none of your business." She replied coldly not meeting his eye.

"None of my business, huh? Everything that's related to you is my business. Why would you hurt yourself?"

Her answer was silence and she was determined to look away from his hurt expression.

"Its fine if you don't want to share but please don't do this again." He said his voice breaking at the end. Areesha's eyes flicked to his face and his hurt expression made her blurt it all out.

"You will hate me Fawad." She said in a small voice.

"I could never have you. You are my life. I am incomplete without you." He said trying to reassure her.

"I-I harmed myself when I wanted to give up on life because there were so many things that had gone wrong and I am a weak person. I didn't have the courage to stand like a women and face it all. I hate myself for who I am and you will too one day-" She said.

"Areesha you are my life. Why do you always belittle yourself so much?" He said exasperately.

"Because I am not worthy of anything Fawad. Trust me I am not. I know myself better than anyone and I know one day you are going to regret loving. " She said not meeting his eye.

"Just shut up will you? Stop being so self opinionated. What do I do to make you believe in our relationship? I have given my best to you and you still don't seem to get over the past. Just tell me what to do!" He said exasperated. 

"One day you will get tired of me and leave. I know that very well and I am trying to prepare myself for-"

"Why don't you trust me? I love you dammit!" He said running his hand in his hair.

As much as she tired to be happy with him that fear always haunted her. And now that he was talking to her like that it just intensified. She knew that would happen. Even if he didn't leave her on his own will, fate would snatch him away from her. She had tried not to love him so much but loving him came naturally. There was no one who could not love him. He was so caring and she even loved his flaws. He was perfect in her mind.

"Stop making up things in your brain." He snapped at her and lifted her chin to look at her face.

"Don't touch me." She said flinching away from his touch.

"Fine. I am leaving." He said and stormed out of the room. Areesha followed him outside to serve him the breakfast but he headed straight to the door and went to his car.

"Fawad! Wait, take your breakfast." She yelled after him.

"You can eat that." He snapped at her and motioned the guard to open the gate. Areesha kept quiet not wanting to make a scene in front of the guard

 Fawad roughly reversed the car out of the house and drove out. 

She knew he was mad at her and hoped that he would drive carefully. She recited duas under her breath for his safety.