Love is Suicidal [Completed]

chapter: forty five

I was pacing around my room for the past hour, trying to wrap my head around what just happened but ended up more confused so I had to sit down on the bed for a minute.

It didn't help cause I back up and pacing around after a few more minutes.

The taste of Rivers lips on mind was still there and when I touched it, I could feel my heart jump around and it made me smile before realizing that she regretted it and looked pissed.

She was the one that kissed me.

I didn't kiss her.

And why did she kiss me?

Then I saw Belle there and the way she looked at me.. I knew the reason why she was there cause the moment I saw her, I thought about what she told me when I asked her if she was dating River.

She said she's only her hook up.

Groaning, I sat on the bed before placing my head in my hands for a moment and trying to think all of this through. I was lost and confused and nothing was making sense.

I took a deep breath before letting it out then falling back onto the bed. I stared up at my ceiling as I was watching the fan spin around and around.

Even in the winter time, I needed my fan running cause I couldn't sleep.

The noise makes me sleep cause I can't sleep in silence.

As I was watching it, I touched my nose then winced as it was still hurting. I got up and walked out the room and to the bathroom to look at my nose in the mirror.

When I turned to light on, I leaned over the sink and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I saw my nose was slightly bruised and it hurt like a bitch.

I don't remember how she hit me cause it all happened so fast.

But after she did, it sounded like she was concerned by the way she was helping me inside and the tone of her voice gave it away.

The way she made sure it was ok as she was examiing it made me truly believe that she did care.. somewhat.

I sighed as I turned my head in different directions and looked at my nose, seeing that it was going to bruise pretty badly.

"Great." I sighed.

Now I'd have to come up with something to tell everyone when they ask what happened.

Lying was never my go-to phrase when I was in trouble or trying to get out of things. I simply told the trust even if it was bad but this time, for some reason, I keep lying to my parents and it hurts.

But if I do tell them about River, what do I say?

"Oh this woman that I like is.. well, bipolar as shit. She has a lot of disorders and I keep running back to her even though she doesn't want me to stay."

Rolling my eyes, I sounded like an idiot. I knew I was and all this shit was messing up my life.

This woman was messing everything up.

Why her?

Why?

After I was done in the bathroom, I walked downstairs and decided to eat something and watch tv. Maybe take a shower afterwards and just stay at the wall for however long it takes for everyone to come back home.

Not that I don't mind being by myself but I tend to do stupid shit.

Like go to Rivers.

Or think about River.