Love is Suicidal [Completed]

chapter: fifty six

"Good morning, sweetie." Mom smiles at me as I walk into the kitchen the next morning. I rubbed my eyes as I sat at the table then yawned, realizing I didn't get much sleep last night and it's going to definitely show today.

Tossing and turning were my friends last night for sure. I remember that's all I did all night. I couldn't sleep and every time I think I was about to, I thought about River and it kept me awake.

I didn't even want to wake up.

"Eggs, bacon, sausage and grits." Mom smiles as she places a plate down in front of me.

I smile up at her. "Thanks, mom." I grabbed a fork then started mashing everything together before taking a bite. I smiled in happiness then continued eating as I could hear my stomach start growling.

Looking over at mom, she was cooking and I couldn't help but smile. I saw her turn around with a plate in her hands before sitting down across from me and we ate together.

We talked about a few things, about what we were doing today or anything that would come to mind. It was nice that it was just us.

"What's your plans for today?" She asks after we finished and was now cleaning up. I look at her before shrugging, knowing that River wanted me to come over but I just didn't know.

"Not sure. Probably ride around. I have a car now." I smile at her as I helped her clean the dishes.

She smiles. "I'm happy for you, baby girl. I just wish you would be more careful in that car."

Nodding, I dried the dishes before setting them aside. "I'm always careful."

After we were done, I went upstairs and stood in my room for what felt like hours. I was standing around, thinking about going to River's but wasn't sure if I wanted to go or not.

My mind was yelling at my heart as they were arguing about what to do.

Part of me wanted to go to her. I wanted to see her and talk to her, even though something was telling me not to go. I wasn't sure what I was feeling but I had a bad feeling about going over there.

That was the part that was screaming at me, telling me that I shouldn't go and I needed to stay away.

It's always been like that when it came to her.

Now that she was back, I wasn't sure what do at the moment.

I stopped then stared at the wall for a moment before closing my eyes and sighing. I groaned then threw my hands up as I stared at the ceiling, wondering why it has to be me that goes through this shit.

I walked over to the closet before looking through it and finding something to wear. I wasn't even sure what I wanted to wear and why I wanted to find something cause I could go over there in my pajamas for all I care.

Grabbing some sweatpants, I found my rainbow shirt before grabbing a hoodie to top it. I placed them all on the bed before looking for my shoes and grabbing them before finding some socks.

As I got ready, I started feeling my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn't sure what was waiting for me but I knew something was waiting around the corner, ready to attack and catch me off guard.

After I got dressed, I went to my mirror attached to the dresser then grabbed my brush. I brushed my hair, trying to figure out if I should wear it up or down. I knew that it was getting long and wearing it down was a hassle.

"Up it is." I said as I brushed it through before putting it up in a ponytail.

After I pulled it up, I looked at myself in the mirror for a little bit longer then sighed as I slipped my shoes on. I grabbed my keys from my bedside table and walked out of the room.