Love is Suicidal [Completed]

chapter: thirty four

"I'm really going to do this." I stared at myself in the mirror as I was brushing my teeth. I spit in the sink before rinsing out with water and looking at myself again. "I'm going to do it."

All night I was thinking about telling River and the only reason why, not because I want to be closer to a heart attack, but I feel that's the best way to go.

Maybe it'll make everything around make more sense and I won't be in this state of confusion and everything else that's been happening for the past month.

My mind is so messed up that I needed to do something.

After I was done in the bathroom, I went to my room and got ready. I put on some ripped jeans, a sweater and my sneakers.

Smiling at myself in the mirror, I grabbed my board before walking out of the room and see Eli walk out of his at the same time.

He stopped and looked at me for a moment as his eyes were looking me up and down. "Where are you going?"

"Riding." I said as I lifted up my board.

I saw him look at me as I turn around and walk down the stairs. I heard him following as I walked to the kitchen and he was right behind me.

Mom was in the kitchen and when she saw me, she smiled. "Good morning my sweet babies. I made some breakfast."

Eli walked to the table and sat down then looked over at me. "Jesse is going riding."

Mom looks at me then at the board in my hands. "Without breakfast? No, sit down and eat."

I nodded then walked to the table, placing my board underneath it and seeing mom bring us a few pans and plates of food.

"This looks good." Eli smiles as he made him a plate and I did the same.

After a moment, dad walks in and says something to mom before walking to the table and sitting down with us. "I love this." He smiles at us. "Us as a family."

"Me too." Mom says as she sits down next to him.

I look at them and smiled as I continued to eat, enjoying this food and being around my family. I listened to mom and dad talk about things and when I look over at Eli, he was swallowing everything in one bite.

Giving him a confused look, I shook my head before finishing my plate and standing up. I saw everyone look at me as I placed the plate in the sink and turned around towards them.

"You sure were hungry." Mom said as she was watching me.

I nodded then smiled. "It was good. I'm going riding for a while."

"Be careful." She says.

Smiling at her, I saw Eli watching me the whole time as I left the kitchen and out the front door. I looked around when I was outside and smiled at how beautiful it was today.

It was cold and the sun was shining, which was perfect riding weather. I honestly couldn't wait to skate down the street and let everything around me fade away.

As I rode down the sidewalk, I tried thinking of how I was going to approach this situation. I knew that telling River wasn't the smartest idea cause it could backfire and all that shit but I knew that at least my chest won't be heavy and maybe I could get rid of all the confusion I'm having.

This is a rollercoaster of shit that I didn't sign of for.

Crushes are stupid.

As I came to a stop at the end of the street, I took my phone out when I heard it make a noise. I saw a notification and stopped when I saw a picture of River come up when I clicked on it.