Phoenix's Lies

Revealed?

River

Racing out of the classroom I don't wait for the bell. Nor do I look at Ari, knowing she'll have seen me leave from the chime of my phone. But I'm too wired to look at it, let alone answer her. He was all that was in my head. About how he could know my secret. Did he know or was I overreacting over nothing? It could be nothing, he might not have....

Shanking the thought out of my head I get to my car and pull out of the school student lot and hope. Hope that no one will report me, out of those who care about me anyway as I was no favourite there since my old self was the one they have on record. The part of me I still use when I am doing what I need to. At least that's what I tell myself since it has been a hobby. Then a source of income. Though overall it was still what got my blood racing. What lets me feel alive.

He is what - or rather who - makes me feel alive. Even after five years apart, he was still the danger I chased, even though I knew it was wrong and would haunt me. More than my racing. The fighting. It was the rush I felt around him, knowing that we pushed each other. The late nights and dares. The adrenaline. The highs. They all come flooding back after just one day, knocking at my mind. Unignorable.

I shake my head and tap the wheel. "Get it together Riv," I mutter, banging my hand against the wheel harder as I turn to pick El up. Hearing my phone ring I reach to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey babes, where are you? I didn't see you leave - sorry where you went after you left. Is everything ok?" Ari. of course, was the one to check up on me. See that I was ok. "Riv? Babes, are you ok? Where are you? I'll come to see you for a bit and we can talk."

"Heya Ari, I'm just getting El from school. Sorry to spook you earlier. I was just in a bad situation and needed to leave as soon as I could." I look down as I say that, remembering the heat under my skin from where he had held my wrists. Remember the fire inside. The ache. "Sorry again."

Over the phone, I hear Ari laugh, the sound of a car indicator and children's chatter coming from her end. "It's ok Riv. He's always been an asshole, they all have. Hence why Levi and Luke both took the two seats together when they both knew how uncomfortable the two of you would - will - be."

"Fucking assholes," I glare, scanning the groups of kids waiting until I see Ari's white Audi pull up next to my black one, my friend smiles as she comes over to get into my passenger side door and I hang up the phone. After sitting in silence for a few seconds I sigh and see Ari turn to me. "I-uh," I stop, trying to find the words. "Ari, I think he knows."

She frowns, her face set into a confused expression I wish I could say I was wearing. Wish I was feeling. "Knows what babes? Who knows what?"

"Nix. I think he knows it was me next to him in class today." The words slip out surprisingly easily yet are hard to vocalise at the same time. Only I can't work out why. What is it because of what happened? Or was it that I'd liked the prospect of him having to slowly find out too much? Either way, it was messing with my head too much to be healthy.

Ari's stunned, processing what I've just said. "How did he know it was you? What gave it away?" Perceptive as ever Ari seems to be able to read between the lines of what I was saying to figure out what I haven't told her. "Riv? What gave it away?"

Sighing in defeat I keep an eye out for El and uncurl my hands from where they had been resting on my lap. Pushing the sleeves back I showed her what he'd seen just before I left. The scar on my left wrist from when we were kids, and the accident needing corrective surgery. One he sat through with me so knew even if I wished he didn't "This. this is how."

Glancing at her out of my rearview mirror Ari looks pale but attempts to gather herself. Thinking it was just because of what I'd said I'm about to let it go having finally seen El, yet something in Ari's expression stops me. "Ari? What is it?"