Phoenix's Lies

When?

River

Following my conversation with Logan I slip back upstairs, my mind on what we said and the knowledge that we need to have a conversation about the past. My heart's just not ready. Not ready for him to know what I've done and have him possibly turn his back on me. To leave.

Shaking my head I banish the morose train of thought and slip back into the room, pushing the door a little, wincing when it creaks. Luckily nothing else happens as I slip back where I'd been and feel him hold me closer, still asleep. Closing my eyes I try to do the same but my mind is too awake now. My mind is too busy trying to plan ahead so nothing happens to make it hard. But I know from the past that's hard. You can't plan for everything. It's just too much,

"Hey, are you ok?" The sound of Nix's voice makes me feel guilty when I look up to see him watching me with worried eyes. "Riv?"

"I will be, sorry I woke you. I tried to be quiet." I smile a little and see he's not lost the worried expression. "I'm ok, just wondering what to do next. Where to go. What to do since I'm sure once mine and El's mother find out we're alive she'll come back to finish the job."

"She won't get close, I'll see to that." His protectiveness is cute but I know my mother well enough. If she wants the two of us dead we'll be dead, no matter what he tries to do to prevent it. "Don't you trust me?"

"I do, I just don't want to see you hurt. If you go up against her you will be." I mumble, resting against him and trying to show him what I mean. What I'm saying. "Please trust me."

"Ok," He offers a wry smile and then frowns. "I heard you sneak out earlier, where did you go?" He sounds sad then and I can guess why. What he thought had happened.

"I didn't regret last night if that's what your ego is worried about North." He chuckles once but doesn't lose the look. "I wanted to check on El since I promised I would when I woke up after her nightmare. I checked Libby as well, she was still asleep the same as El was. I was coming back when I heard a noise downstairs."

He frowns, "Weird, who was it?"

"Your dad." I smile a little, remembering our conversation. Nix frowns again and moves to get up but I shake my head. "He was coming back in the storm's lull to check on you and Libby but he's already gone. Said he had to go back to Chicago." Nix offers me a look and I shrug, "What I didn't want to wake you up. You looked too peaceful. Something I wish I had."

"You seemed it last night."

I had. For the first time in a long time, I'd had a proper night's sleep after I'd seen him. The nightmares not troubling me. Just a dreamless sleep that lets me rest. Possibly because I knew I was safe. Possibly because I was too tired. I don't know. All I do know is that we're stuck at some sort of impasse since we haven't talked about the past, the future is too uncertain.

But I don't think about that, not now. "I was. Guess I knew I was safe."

"Glad to hear." He takes a breath, eyes on mine. "How long are you staying?"

"I wish it could be forever Nix, I do. But once the storm clears I'll have to figure that out." I'm not sure what I'll do but with an indefinite amount of storm time left I don't have to do it now. "Don't ask me about that now. I haven't decided."

"You're welcome here for as long as you want. I would never push you out. Nor tell you to leave. It's your choice."

"Until my secrets are too much for you. Walls are too high," My words are sharp but I know it would happen eventually. "I'm alone, Nix. No friends, no family. No nothing. Just a feeling I can't have and a life I don't want. How fucked is that?"