Phoenix's Lies

How Do I Tell Her?

Phoenix

It's a few hours before I look again at the message that came up on Riv's phone just hours after her accident. Anger spreads under my skin as I realise who is, in part, to blame for what happened to Riv and Lena. That it wasn't an accident at all, not like we thought.

Leaving Libby with Riv for a minute I step out to find Ari, Hunt and Ash still waiting. The others have gone home before. "I've got something you're going to want to see. Now." I don't both with a hello or anything else, just show them the message on Riv's phone where I still had hold of it, from Ivar. "He knew we were still looking. He knew and he caused the crash."

Ari gives me a look as if to ask if I'm ok before her phone goes and I see her scowl for a second. "You might be onto something." She looks up. "Turns out we can identify who was in the cars that hit her." She looks at me. "Her ex was in one. The Mercedes. A bad move given it's his car but I guess it makes it easier." Then she looks at her brothers. "He was in the Mercedes with Talon."

"As in..." Hunt swallows nervously and Ari nods. "Shit. What about the Audi?"

"A rental, in the name of Scar Ivanov. He was in it with Hawke. Again both people who run with the Spades."

"So they caused the accident then?" I question, waiting to see if I'll be told I'm crazy again. "Come on the answers there. It has to be connected."

"Whilst I don't disagree that it's connected we don't know if it's the reason Phoenix we need to be careful, pointing fingers can lead to wars. Something we'd like to avoid with you and Riv already being on Ivar's hit list." Ash's words are making sense but part of me is still mad. "Just calm down and wait. We'll figure this out but later. Right now we need to wait for the others. More information."

I sigh, the fight draining out of me when I realise he's right. He is right, I just didn't want to see it so I didn't have to feel so fucking useless. Something I know Ari sees when she comes over to hug me gently, resting her head on my shoulder. I hug her back but my mind's screaming at me that she's not the one I want to have in my arms. She's a sister to me in all the ways that matter. Riv's my everything. She's the one. Always was. Always is. Always was. Always will be.

Almost a Week Later

Almost a week on and still nothing. Riv remains in a stable condition, a lot like the others explain I was in before the accident when I was hurt. But it's hard when Libby keeps asking about Lena and I have nothing to tell her. Nothing good anyway. Yet it's not all bad, spending time with her. Surprising but not sad.

An example is a conversation we have a few days before Riv opens her eyes. It's out of the blue but I guess I should have expected it.

"What's a soulmate?" Libby's question startles me and I look away from Riv to see Libby watching me with an interested expression. I take a second to try to figure out how to explain it to her. "Nixy? What's a soulmate?" She asks again, peering up at me with her eyes wide.

I think for a moment, a rare smile curling my lips up as I glance between her and Riv. "A soulmate is well...mm. Well, it's like a best friend but more. They're the one person who knows you better than anyone else, sometimes even yourself. Someone who makes you a better person." I stop then, realising an error in what I've just said. "No, that's the wrong way to phrase it. Sorry." I take another second, trying to find the words to explain it to her before they come to me with a smile. "A soulmate doesn't make you a better person, you do that all by yourself."

"How? Why?" She looks confused, her eyes moving between me and Riv where I'm still holding her hand. Still waiting for her to wake up. Libby's eyes remain on the promise bracelets on the hands joined.