Phoenix's Lies

Betrayed

River

After my confrontation with Ari and the beating from Derek, my mind isn't in a good place. Too many emotions all piling up until my head feels like it's going to explode.

Anger.

Guilt.

Shame.

Helplessness.

They all push through me as I duck into a nearby restroom and lock the door. Jiggling the lock to check it's ok I lift my top away from my body to see the full extent of the damage left by both my mother and Derek. It - I - isn't a pretty sight. Bruises in auroras of purple and blue dot my body and I can see a particularly large one across my side where I'd been pushed by my mother. Thankfully she hadn't decided to push me down the stairs like she did when I was little before Phoenix left, the scar from that surgery is still visible even now.

Sighing with defeat and resignation I crane my neck back around as far as I can bear to see the new, deep, marks across my back and shoulders. Marks that heal and scar over if I'm left alone to heal. That will blend in so well with my old scars from years of my mother doing what she did and hurting us in the process. The abuse from her was a never-ending cycle of paranoia and pain with no apology from her. No indication of remorse. No guilt for hurting her kids the way she did time and time again. No matter that now three of us are dead and one was life-threateningly ill with a disease that if she relapsed could kill her. She doesn't care.

Blowing out a breath slowly I empty all the air from my lungs and turn back around, pushing the sleeves of my thick sweater down to hide the visible injuries on my arms as well as trying to keep warm. My body never seems to keep the right temperature no matter how many layers I wear. Probably has something to do with the fact that you don't eat enough, never eat enough. Part of my brain chips in, reminding me why before the other part also speaks up to remind me why. Why I do what I do.

Rubbing my arms as aggressively as I can manage without causing one of my cuts to bleed a wave of hunger washes through me but I push it down and pick up my bag as I head to class, my mind a million miles away as I try to focus. Sliding into my seat I try to focus on remaining awake and focused. Something that proves difficult until I spot Derek a row across from me, soulless dark eyes cutting into me and glamping as my fear from before kicks in. Forcing my tired and overworked brain into a state of hypervigilance. Groaning, I keep trying to warm up until I see Phoenix and Ari enter with Hunt behind them, his eyes finding mine and widening in horror. Just like when Ari found me in the hallway twenty minutes earlier. Seeing his reaction I keep his eye and shake my head as violently as I can. Please don't. Don't tell. I mouth the words behind my hand and it looks like it works until he leans and whispers something into Ari's ear before she nods and sits next to Phoenix, two rows back from me on the other side where she can keep an eye on me, instead of her normal seat next to me.

They switched seats.

Worried, I fix Hunt with a look as soon as he's seated. "What the fuck was that for? Don't you realise how weird this looks?" I glance at him to see if he's understood but am met with worried dark green-gold eyes instead. "Please don't do something stupid Hunt. I already spoke to Ari. what's done is done. Don't make it any worse. Please I have to think of El, she needs me."

"He hurt you Riv?!" Hunt's voice is low but luckily he refrains from doing something that will get people looking over. "You can't keep letting him push you around and control you. It's not right." Angry eyes meet mine and suddenly the tone I was wanting to use, the front I wanted to give, is gone. The anger vanished in the presence of his expression as I'm mentally transported back to all the times my mother or Derek faced me and I was powerless to do much more than watch. The expression causes me to flinch as my head is filled with the sound of dishes being smashed, breaking my concentration as I flinch unintentionally for a second time, seeing my friend lose some of his angry look.