Phoenix's Lies

It's Starting to Look a Little Better

Phoenix

Waking up isn't easy. I feel sore all over as if someone has run me over and just gone. Every muscle aches. It's cold, wherever I am. Not that I can tell where it is until I open my eyes and figure it out. A hospital. Why am I there? What happened?

It's dark in the room, the lights turned off and a fan blowing with a low noise that seems to echo in the room. Shattering the silence. Frowning I blink for a second before it all comes rushing back as I notice someone half sitting on a chair half lying on the bed, their hand clutching mine like a lifeline. The same way I once sat waiting for her.

Riv.

Seeing her asleep has me fighting a smile for some reason, even as the memories cycle through my head of what happened before I ended up here. The fight. Having to hurt her. Having the gun aimed at my back so I had no choice but to go forward with it, no matter how twisted. How guilty I now feel. All because the sick bastard behind the other end of it threatened my baby sister. The one ray of light in my storm cloud besides Riv. The rainbow. That's what she is to me, a rainbow. The star to lead me to be better. To be who she remembers. Who I want to be. But I can tell my little rebel's unhappiness by the way she seems to be trying to curl in on herself. To hide. To fucking disappear.

Moving a little I smooth a lock of hair off her forehead and out of her eyes, turning it over in my fingers until the lock runs out and I have to let it go. She moans sleepily then but doesn't stir. Thank fuck since I just wanted to be near her, not to wake her up since she seems to be without her nightmares for once. A rare sight, but one that makes me feel a little better even when I can see how pale she looks. The dark circles under her eyes and purple shadows ringing them seem to scream out at me against her olive skin. Shadows that stand out the way her fading bruises do. Ones I had to give her unless we both wanted to end up dead. But that still hurts me to see. Same with where she has small cuts, evidence of other damage.

I sigh but don't move until I feel something sharp race through me once, enough to have me tense my muscles, including my hand where it's around hers. She seems to feel it and blinks awake sleepily for a second before her eyes find mine and I see them fill with tears. "Hey little rebel," I offer her a small, wonky smile and see when she starts to cry "Hey don't cry, you know what I've said about that, especially when I'm the reason."

She sighs and sniffs once and rubs under her eyes to get rid of the tears but I can see how they keep coming. "I'm sorry I told myself I wouldn't cry." She shakes once and I hold her hand tighter, "It's just....I-I thought I lost you mi amado. You....a whole week.....they didn't know what was wrong. I'm so sorry. So fucking sorry I'm the reason your here, the monster in this part of our story."

She bows her head then and cries. Gut-wrenching sobs tear out of her as her whole body shakes and I feel so helpless for a second. Not sure how to make it better for her. To make her see that I didn't blame her then when it happened nor do I do so now. She shivers and shudders the longer she cries but no one comes in, probably as it's the middle of the night. Meaning it's safe for me to do what I've thought of.

"Come here," I pat the space next to me on the bed when she looks up, bloodshot eyes giving me a faintly miffed look. "I won't break on you Riv, I just want to give you a hug. You look like you need it. So come on." She doesn't move, remaining unconvinced. "Look if it hurts I'll tell you. Ok?"

That seems to do the trick since she nods and slips off her shoes, climbing up next to me and lying her head on my shoulder, my arms go around her instinctively and I let out a low breath, the ache in my chest dulled a little to know she's there. That she's safe. Her tears don't stop and I can feel how she continues to shake. Crying softly as her arms go warily around me to keep herself from cracking down the middle like before. Mumbling like before into my shoulder. Her words are low and soft as if she's trying to disappear into me like that first time we kissed in the school corridor all that time ago.