After rain comes the clear sky (Kaoearth)

40. Panic attack

Kao tensed up. “Think Kao. Think! You have to do something.” He muttered to himself.

“Khun, your desert.” The waiter placed the two bowls of Tub Tim Grob and left.

“I made it back at the right time.” Earth happily sat on his seat opposite Kao. He picked up one of the bowls and dug in.

He groaned when the delicious milky and refreshing texture of the ruby red water chestnut hit his taste buds.  “P’ Kao, this is so good.” He chirped, closing his eyes, blissfully smiling as he enjoyed the dessert.

Kao watched Earth silently. ‘No Kao, you can’t do this to him. you can’t drag him to the mess. He is still a kid. You can’t ruin his future’ he told himself in his mind.

Earth felt Kao staring at him for a long time. “P’ Kao, do you want a bite?” Earth scooped up the dessert and tried to feed Kao.

Kao moved his face away with a frown. “I don’t like desserts, Earth.”

Earth pouted and ate the dessert himself. If it was before Kao would have eaten from the spoon no matter what he fed him. but he knew that the older was not really fond of eating sweet things and only ate them for his sake. So, he decided not to force him.

He put down the empty dessert bowl and picked up the napkin to dab his lips.

“Earth, there is something I want to tell you,” Kao said making up his mind.

“What is it, Phi?” Earth asked curiously.

Kao took a slow deep breath and spoke. “About the thing you told me that night…”

“That thing? What thing, Phi?” Earth was confused.

“The thing you told me the last time I visited Chiang Mai.”

“My confession?”

Kao nodded. “About that… I didn’t give you a proper answer till now… I feel like I should now.”

Earth was both happy and anxious at the same time. He was more than ninety per cent sure that Kao had feelings for him. but he wanted the older to say it out loud. “Khrab…”

“I am sorry Earth. I cannot reciprocate your feelings.” Kao said with difficulty.

Earth felt his whole world collapse when he heard Kao’s words. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His smile faded away and his eyes teared up. “W- What?”

“I don’t think I can ever love you the way you love me. I wanted to tell you this the moment you told me everything but I was concerned that it would affect our relationship as Phi and Nong. I was afraid that I might hurt you if I directly rejected you.

Now, I understand that it would be better to make things clear to you. I am sorry if my delay in giving you an answer made you misunderstand me or if it gave you hope. I am sorry I took time to speak up.”

Earth bit his lips tightly, not letting the sobs escape his lips. But he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. His heart was in pain. He didn’t dare to look at Kao. He looked down on his hands that were clamped together on his lap as he listened to Kao.

Kao felt his heart tear into pieces as he watched Earth cry so helplessly. He fought the urge to throw away every worry and just hug Earth tightly. But he knew better.

“I have always seen you as my Nong, Earth. Nothing more, nothing less. That is also the reason why I wanted to pamper and spoil you in the first place. I never thought that my actions would give you wrong ideas.” Kao’s eyes teared up as well.

He was trained from a young age to keep his emotions in control and not to show them to others. Yet, he was having a hard time holding them back as he lied to Earth.

“I understand that you don’t see me as a Phi. So, I want to ask you something.” Kao paused composing himself.

Earth slightly looked up.

“I hope you can stop contacting me.” Kao looked straight into Earth’s eyes. “I hope you can stop calling and texting me. It is kind of a nuisance.”

Earth froze upon hearing Kao. His heart shattered into pieces. “I am sorry, P’ Kao. I didn’t know that I was being a nuisance. I am sorry for the inconvenience I caused.” He hurriedly waied at Kao and ran out of the restaurant covering his mouth with his hands.

He felt his chest ache as he ran to the elevator. His heart was pounding rapidly and he was sweating heavily. He pressed the floor button and leaned on the elevator wall for support.

He walked out of the elevator feeling dizzy. The tightness in his throat and the difficulty in breathing made him tremble.

Fluke who had been waiting at the lobby with the chauffeur to pick Earth saw this and ran over. “Earth!” he called out in panic.

The crowd gathered around as Earth collapsed to the ground.

“Earth!” Fluke was alarmed to see that Earth was having a panic attack out of nowhere. It had been years since Earth had panic attacks. He could guess that something might have happened with Kao, that Earth was triggered.

He tightly hugged Earth. He started reassuring his friend that everything was going to be alright.

“What is happening, here?” the manager of the lobby came to ask.

“My friend is having a panic attack. Can everybody please move away and give him some air?” Fluke asked.

the crowd moved away leaving some space for Earth as Fluke performed the first aid.

Fluke turned to his chauffeur “P’ Len, please bring the inhaler from the emergency kit inside our car.” Being born in a doctors’ family, Fluke always carried emergency medicine.

He took his earphones and connected them to his phone before plugging them into Earth’s ears.

Len came back with the inhaler.

Fluke helped Earth take puffs of the inhaler. The latter slowly calmed down with the medicine and soothing music in his ears.

“P’ Len, help me carry him to the car,” Fluke instructed.

Len scooped up the weak Earth from the floor and took him to the car.

“Let’s go to the nearby hospital,” Fluke said looking worriedly at Earth. Even though this was not the first time he had seen Earth get panic attacks, it scared the hell out of him. he tried his best to remain calm and not be so nervous but he couldn’t help it.

The car stopped in front of the emergency department of the hospital.

Len carried Earth into the hospital.

“What happened to the patient?” the nurse asked.

“He had a panic attack,” Fluke answered on Earth’s behalf. The latter wasn’t in a condition to speak. His face was red and consciousness was blurry. He still had difficulty breathing.

“Please, lay him down on this bed.” The nurse instructed them before going to get a doctor.