Baby boy ✔️

41:

41:

"Well?" Nella questions breaking me out of my train of thoughts. By the look she is giving me I can tell that she has been standing in front of me for too long not to have noticed while I was staring off into space lost in my train of thoughts.

It was finally here. School was going to be over meaning that prom and graduation were too but if I'm being honest I couldn't care less anymore.

I had officially decided I would not step foot in our junior-senior prom. It wasn't just because Jakob would be there with another girl it was the fact that I couldn't be more miserable and the last thing I wanted to do was spend heaps of money on an expensive dress and fake a smile and pretend like I'm actually enjoying myself around all the fake people I've gone to school with. I'm honestly happy with never seeing any of the, ever again. I'll move counties if I have to just to receive that luxury. 

Most of my time was spent at Nella's place these days because it was more of a safe haven than my own home, who would have thought. She was attempting to show me her prom dress so we could decide how we would style her hair and makeup on the day.

My eyes widen as I take in the sight of my best friend. Only someone as daring as Nella would try and pull off a dress like this but I highly doubt anyone will say anything to her because she looks stunning. The dress suites her well. It's bodice is red lace that moulds her body perfectly and the thin red material by the legs had a very high split on the side showing her legs off and with Nella's long toned legs you could see why she was going with a dress like this.

"You look stunning." I breath out honestly because she does but for once I don't find myself envying her.

I've always been slightly jealous or insecure about how pretty Nella is but now when I complimented her it wasn't with that same longing in my tone to be like her. I know I'm not a bad looking person but I'm realising that stuff shouldn't matter, my appearance shouldn't matter as long as I'm okay with who I am.

"I can't believe it's all over." She sighs taking a seat next to me on her bed.

"It's so scary, it's like what now?" I add.

The truth is this has been keeping me up a lot at night. It doesn't help that the hole I was in before has only been dug deeper in the last few weeks making me more lost than ever. The things in my life that felt so sure and I was focused on were ripped out of my grip and I couldn't do anything about it because it was all my fault.

"You still don't know what you're going to do?" Nella ponders although the answer is obviously evident.

How do people figure this stuff out so easily?

The world is this wide open place with a population that is even bigger, how can one person find their place amongst everything else that is going on.

I just feel so lost and confused and it's frustrating. How can I not know what I want?

"No, but I do know that I don't want to stay here." That is the one thing I'm positive about it. "And I'm not just saying that, I can't take it anymore. I know I won't last if I keep going like this."

I'm sick of hearing people tell me it will pass or it will get better. It might but right now it's not and I'm living in the right now. What I do today will lead the path of how my future plays out.

I look away from Nella as I prepare to tell her something I wasn't planning on telling anyone.

"I have a bag packed and ready to go." I mumble as I stare at the stained carpet in her bedroom.