𝗖𝗥𝗔𝗭𝗬 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗬𝗢𝗨 ━━━ 박종성

40. old habits

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Jiwoo's POV

Been staying inside the house the entire weekend. Nothing changed. Honestly, everything changed. I lost control over my patience. Screamed, shouted all by myself in that hugeass house and there was no one. No one to take care of me. Mentally destroying myself was something I'd say I was doing at the moment. But I needed to do something to get over everything. The fact that I lost everyone who maybe cared for me within a night was making me go mad. Yes I was a crazy lunatic going through my tragic heartbreak.

But I was strong. I fed myself, took care of myself even though I still took out my anger on other things and lost control of myself.

School was today and it was immensely hard. Hard because everyone whom I ran away from would be there. And he'd be there as well. With my cousin walking along with him the entire time probably. I wore the biggest hoodie I found because it was cold. And because it helped me neglect everyone else. Hesitating to go inside, I saw Jungwon waving at me as I gave him a fake smile and walked towards him. "You look bad." He said with his worried doe eyes as I hid my dry face with my hoodie. "Well, I'm not supposed to look good." Something that was pretty obvious as the current situation was like this.

"So are you gonna go now?" I was about to move along when Jungwon stopped me and I could tell he was extremely worried since I might have to interact with a couple of people whom I didn't want to see. Chuckling slightly I nodded, "your dead sister isn't that weak Jungwon." I ruffled his hair and went ahead. It'd definitely be a lie to say that I wasn't weak. Yes I was weak and my feet definitely stopped when I saw Jay and Jugyeong about to walk inside the classroom but stopped when they saw me. Directly making eye contact with my ex boyfriend, I felt a slight punch in my heart as I moved backwards.

Yes I was weak and afraid to interlink with anyone I knew. But I wasn't stupid and the first that came up in my mind was to change my classroom. Now, I don't know how I'll do that but I need to do that somehow.

-

"Ok I'm letting you change your classroom because you're a good natured girl Jiwoo but don't do this again." I bowed gracefully at the old man in front of me and saw him walk away. Good natured my foot. Scoffing after letting out a chuckle in victory, I entered my new classroom. And Jake was the first person whom I saw. Shit. Still, better Jake than Jay and Jugyeong. I stared blankly at him as he gave a comforting smile. Without thinking much, I sat on the empty sit faraway from him and then kept my head down until the teacher came.

School ended quite slowly or it was just me drooling on the page for about the entire day. I needed my mind to not think and just work itself up to finally stop working in exhaustion. But no, it was way too dominating and strong. I saw the newly made couple outside. Haha they really be sticking with each other. I walked past Jay giving him a cold shoulder and successfully smiled at Jungwon who stood right beside him. "I'm gonna go bye." I whispered by his ear and left the place.

If only I could beat someone up right now.

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I was back home again. All by myself. Completely isolated from the outer world. But it's for the best, they wouldn't accept a wild natured girl anyways. They never did. It was just me thinking that they did. I sighed seeing the time. 10pm. Finally my time to shine. I turned the music at its highest volume and jammed with the song before starting to clean up the dusty house. Finally something called productive came alive in my dictionary.

11pm.

I put the burnt ramen on my bowl and made my way to the couch turning on netflix. The music was indeed loud but it helped me not get inside my mind even though I'd probably give up and stay there overthinking about my life. *Ding* I heard a notification from my phone and my heart started beating faster as I turned it on. And I found my heart coming back to normal speed after I saw the id.

Nosy neighbor :
Could you turn off the music? My kid is trying to study for god's sake.

I scoffed seeing my neighbor's texts as I mouthed a perfect 'no' before starting to type.

Me :
Not my fault your 6 years
old kid studies at 12am.
Damn must be pressurized.
But sorry nO.

I laughed in a devilish manner before throwing my phone away. Human beings sure are annoying. Let me stay in peace. Coming back to my own business, I grabbed the cold bowl of burnt food when something stopped me.

"Tell me if you need midnight snacks. Don't eat burnt ramen."

Something Jay told me after he found me eating burnt food during one of our sleepovers. Don't think about him Jiwoo. Just don't. He isn't worth it. I shrugged his thoughts away and was about to put the spoon full of food inside my mouth but stopped again.

"I don't want to see you hurt.."

Anger took control over me as I threw the bowl of ramen ruining mom's carpet. Why was I thinking about him? Please control yourself Jiwoo. I told to myself but I couldn't. My heart started dropping bigger beats as I clutched onto my chest tightly hoping it'd stop. Finally giving up I fell in the floor leaning against the sofa. Bringing my knees closer to myself while snaking it with my hands, finally thick drops of tears started streaming down my face.

I tried. I tried my best to become the old emotionless Jiwoo. To get back to my old habits. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. His memories stopped me. It haunted me. Wish I could just hit myself with something to lose my memory of Park Jay. "Why can't I get over you Jay?" I sobbed hiding my face with my hands. I was finally letting it all out. Changing back to someone I didn't want to be anymore was a fail and so I gave up. I couldn't let go off the Jiwoo who loved Jay. Who was happy and who had friends. And now I have to live with the pain because I lost everything which formed that cheerful Jiwoo.

"I miss you Jay...

Why did you have to break my heart.."

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I kinda like this chapter 😳

Also can I call yall ray?
Because uhh you know y'all gave me rAyS tO actually finish this book.
Not like pHoToSynThEsiS or like a tOrChLigHt and totally not ReN×JaY nop not At aLL but like hope yea like
Y'aLL gAVe mE hOpE-
Imma go jump off a cliff-