Rudraksh

35 - Way to a man's heart ( Edited POV )

It was a week since we got back home from war. A long, agonizing week that made me question my life choices.

Rudraksh Rana didn't say a word to me.

Or to anyone.

Not one word.

Even my family and the people he joked around with were looking at me questioningly. It became a routine. He stayed out all day. Came late at night and closed his eyes before I could even ask if he was okay or where he goofed around all day. Then in the mornings, I woke up to cold sheets and his faint scent lingering in the air, taunting me of what I could've woken up to every morning. In warmth and fragrance of a man that made me want to alter everything in me so I could fit right with each piece of him.

I tried.

And tried.

And tried some more but to no avail.

I started breaking, thinking of everytime that I pushed him away when he longed for me. Now I knew how it felt and it felt too painful to be true. There was a constant ache in my heart. An ache so deep... It reached those parts of my soul where pools of pent-up emotions lay dormant for years, for years in those dark fathomless depths. Something there was waking up, I craved him with a merciless intensity. It was ravaging me from the inside.

It was a warm day, cloudy and gloomy but warm. Everything was back to normal except my emotions which were all over the place.

He wasn't by my side at the morning sabha. In fact, I didn't see him anywhere. Sighing, I made my way to the kitchen to get my mind off things. Thought I'd cook something for the family.

Who was I kidding ? I wanted to cook for him but did he eat ? No. My plate remained untouched and cold in front of me as my cousins chatted about their love lives and the latest scandals in town.

All I could think about was him and him and him and him.

Damn him.

No, don't.

Please don't.

I sighed again, eyeing his empty seat beside me.

He skipped breakfast. But was in our chambers so I took a plate there. I was trying so hard to keep myself together, seconds away from begging him just for a goddamn glance. That's what I was reduced to. A longing, craving, hopeless mess. It was karma, I guess, hitting me right across the face. My heart thumped so hard, I was sure he could hear it if he still kept all his focus on me like he said. Dragging in a deep breath, a storm of his scent now confined within me, I entered the chambers. He was sitting on the bed, reading out of news sheets.

His charcoal black Bandhgala suit was unbuttoned, revealing a dark grey silk shirt underneath, which too had top buttons undone. I worked a swallow, willing my heart to calm. He was lazy that noon. His hair tousled, his clothes messy and eyes hooded. He was a mess I wanted on me.

I feigned ignorance like I always did. As if I wasn't the reason for all his misery. I was sure that at that point, he might've asked Mahakal why he had blessed him with such a mate. Because I did. That man before me. That beautiful, beautiful man deserved so much better. And I ? I clearly didn't deserve him. But there was no backing out now, so I'd do anything to be better for him. Be something close to the partner he deserved.

"Now, why would you skip breakfast, Mister Rana ? Don't you know it's the most important meal of the day ?"

Yeah, like I said. He avoided me like plague. Like I didn't exist around him. He kept his eyes on the paper, not a sound rolled off his too pink lips.

He sat cross-legged so I placed the tray in front of him. He looked at it as if it was a pile of dirt.

"Eat." It was something between a command and a plea.

Silence.

"Fine. Don't talk. But you have to eat." I snatched the news sheet and chucked it way. He didn't protest. He didn't look irritated. He was unbothered, which was worse.

"You will eat, Mister Rana. Even if I have to feed you." I was tempted to grab his hair and make him look at me if that's what it took so I took a step back.

Silence.

"Fine then." I said and lifted the tray. I sat where it was in front of him, crossing my legs before placing the tray on my lap. "Last chance, Mister Rana." He found our embroidered pillows more interesting. Sighing, I tore a piece of roti. I scooped some salad of onions and cucumber with it, a big chunk of grilled paneer, dipped it in tomato curry and held it to his mouth.

He wasn't even looking at me. A spike went through my chest, sharp and heavy.

I breathed hard, willing my heart to stop aching. "Open."

At least he listened to that. I smiled as he took the bite and his lips touched my fingers. Progress.

"I was so hopeful you'd be at breakfast today because I made it just for you. But no matter, you're having all of it now. Is it good ? Do you like it ?" I smiled brightly which soon disappeared when all I received was silence and a blank face.

Okay I, was almost hyperventilating now. I wasn't as strong as he was. He was so strong. So good. So perfect. My beautiful man. And I.... I was nothing. I was weak. Pathetic and a mess.

I made another bite as I spoke,

"When I was young, my mother spent most of the time cooking for my father. She always said that the way to a man's heart goes through his stomach. So I thought I'd try my luck."

I held that bite to his mouth and this time, he looked at me as he took it into his mouth. This time he sucked the curry off my fingers in a languid movement. It did more than just soothe my heart. It burned it. In a fire so delicious, it seared dirty and sinful sensations that roared with my blood and rushed straight to my core and flooded between my legs.

Just for a moment before he looked away again, leaving me cold and aching.

"Well at least it got you to look at me for a second. I think maa was right." I whispered mindlessly and breathlessly as I went back to feeding him.

I fed him the rest of the food in silence. He never once complained or asked me to stop until I cleaned the plate off every bit of food. And I had brought a lot of it. Gajar halwa was for dessert and I only left his side once it was gone as well. I went to the kitchen to put the plate into the sink and clean my hands off.

Smiling to myself, I rushed back to the chambers to force myself on him again and get him to have some drinks with me. Maybe even cuddle if my luck didn't run out.

He wasn't there when I got back.