The world moves without me (Branch Angst)

Saved but nothings changed.

Branch's pov:

I held the rope tightly in my hand, the rough surface irritating my grip. I was done fighting an endless battle without weapons. I stepped forward ready to take my life. Then a big flash and my eyes caught a quick glance of my brother. I starred back at my brother in fear but also guilt. A lot of guilt. John Dory charged and tackled me to the floor. He held me down tightly, I felt so claustrophobic that my body went full panic mode. I was so used to being held down every time, I hated it! It was like a cage I could never break free from and I was a sad circus lion people felt pity for. I squirmed and struggled to get out of his grasp, my eyes went sore as I tried to hold back tears. I felt some ptsd from being held down so much.

"IM HERE! I'm here branch! Calm down!" John Dory sniffled

"NO NO NO! Get off of me!" I cried.

I kept squirming as John Dory held me down, my arms got so weak and my body got exhausted from fighting back. I soon gave into John Dory relaxing into his touch.

"Let go of me." I growled harshly

"I'm never letting go of you again." John Dory sobbed

His grip was tight, John Dory was shaking uncontrollably as he sat down on the floor with me. I tried to pull away but he was certain on not letting go, then I was quickly pulled into a hug. My body started shaking in sync with my brothers as my heart pounded out of my chest. My body was so close to his I could feel John dory's shaky breath on my face. The cold air of the whole scene chilled my skin.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry branch." John Dory cried.

"I don't need you to be sorry." I rolled my eyes, my sentences barely making it out.

I couldn't help it anymore, tears rolled down my face quickly. Loud sounds of crying exited my mouth, I felt so ashamed. My head turned away from John Dory quickly as I tried to hide how vulnerable i felt right now. John Dory took note of this and lifted my chin up, I tried to avoid eye contact but it was so awkward.

"You don't have to be ashamed, let it all out." John Dory cried while smiling. He was just happy I was safe.

"Men don't cry." I sniffled, still clearly crying.

"That's bullshit. If you need to cry then cry."

Then my heart finally poured out, tears like huge water falls flooded my eyes. It was a never ending cycle of tears, my body and face was so numb I couldn't even feel John hugging me anymore. In reality he thought he saved me but now I will continue to suffer in a world of pain and now newly added, regret.

"I don't want to be touched." I cried

"Promise me you won't run." John Dory asked worried

"I can't run. Not anymore." I wined

John Dory slowly let go as a wave of freedom hit me. Yes I could of ran but running always got me in the same place, caught. In the corner of my vision I saw Clay, Bruce and Floyd running towards me. Floyd tackled me back onto the ground as he cried loudly into my chest.

"I thought I lost you!" Floyd cried

"Floyd he doesn't want to be touched." John Dory informed Floyd

"Sorry sorry." Floyd backed away

I backed away awkwardly, what was I supposed to do honestly? Thank them for saving me and go back to normal? Floyd looked pretty shaken up, his body slightly vibrating in fear.

"Let's get you inside branch." John Dory mumbled.

I followed my brothers back into Rhonda, Floyd had his arms crossed and I felt really bad. I reached for Floyd's hand and I held it for comfort, I acted like I was being tough but honestly I could fall apart any minute now. I stepped inside Rhonda and sloped down in a corner. My brothers circled around me while looking down at me.

"What?" I questioned

"Branch you had us worried for days." Clay kneeled down at my level

"I never asked for you to be worried." I said defensively

"You didn't have to." Clay sniffled.

John Dory went to the drivers seat ready to drive back home, I couldn't help but keep sulking. I wasn't ready to head home, not yet. Floyd came and sat next to me and he quickly took notice to the different clothing I was wearing.

"Whose clothes are these?" Floyd questioned

"It's not important." I scoffed.

I held my arms crossed with an upset expression. Floyd looked really concerned for my wellbeing and I didn't blame him, my clothes were covered in blood and dirt. Floyd reached his hand over my stomach giving a gesture to lift my shirt up to check on me.

"May I?" Floyd asked

"Go for it." I grunted

Floyd lifted up my shirt and took it off, my chest was covered in bruises, cuts and whatever injury I could manage. I winced in pain as Floyd began to clean out my cuts.

"What are you doing?" I questioned

"Cleaning your cuts. You might get infected" Floyd giggled

"Let the infection kill me for all I care." I snickered

"Branch stop, Floyd was really worried about you." Bruce informed me

I get that I worried my brothers and all but this wasn't about them. I shouldn't feel so guilty and terrible about my own suffering?! Why do I have to think of how it affects everyone else when I'm the most affected. But I guess that's how life goes, worry about everyone else and leave yourself to die alone.

"Please let me help you branch..." Floyd teared up

"Do it then, hurry up." I groaned

Floyd began wiping and cleaning out the dirt and gunk from my cuts, he carefully wrapped my chest in bandages and tied the bandages together. I kept flinching or shaking in pain as his touch rubbed against me, it hurt so bad. There were some old and some new scars, mostly white lines across my hips and arms. Once a scar turns white it's engraved in your body for life, like a little reminder that you're a failure. And my whole life I always thought I failed at something, and failing at suicide is even more embarrassing. What am I good at?

"Branch..." Floyd murmured

"Don't pity me."  I groaned.

Rhonda came to a hard stop, my body flying into the wall. I picked myself up from the floor before falling back down, my legs were so weak.

"BRANCH!" Bruce called out worried.

Bruce helped me up and I dusted myself off, I tried to keep myself up but I couldn't. I kept wobbling like an old man.

"John dory you need to teach Rhonda to park more peacefully!" Clay argued

"You need to shut your mouth." John Dory laughed.

I lifted myself up and barged out of Rhonda, I didn't need anyone to help me walk back. While walking back to my miserable bunker I saw a lot of the pop trolls gasp and whisper. My brother's following behind me quickly, catching up to my pace.

"What's everyone's deal?" I coughed

"You've been gone so long everyone thought you died." John Dory explained

"I'm glad everyone had so much hope in me." I said sarcastically

We made our way back to the bunker, Bruce lifting the latch open for me like a princess. We all made our way over to the couch and Floyd gave me another hug.

"Why are hugging me so much?" I questioned

"I was so worried branch, I never want to lose you again." Floyd started to cry again.

Then I felt bad. Really bad, Floyd probably worried himself half to death. The guilt was overwhelming me so much that I couldn't help but hug back. Then for some reason, I cried again. I didn't know how many tears I had left to shed but they were all coming out now.

"I never meant to hurt you." I cried