The Pianist || MYG || ✔

29

Yoongi had just finished his first session with a bereavement counsellor. He had admitted that he did want the help of his friends, but they could only give him advice based on their own feelings. The best place to be was with a professional.

He hadn't been at work for a few days, as  Hoseok had told him that Daisy didn't want him to teach her any more.

Taking a deep drag on his cigarette, Yoongi stuffed his free hand into his pocket as he walked himself home. He was feeling painfully vulnerable after opening up to the counsellor. Although he didn't want to talk about Isabella or her death, he knew that he had to. The first step to moving on was to acknowledge everything that had happened in the past. After that, he needed to accept that it was the past and not the present. Then he needed to accept that Isabella was gone and it was okay for him to find happiness, and maybe someone else to love.

His friends had been right all along, but he just couldn't hear them. He refused to hear them. He wouldn't listen, because he didn't want to accept that Isabella was gone, and she would be gone forever. He couldn't win her back like Hoseok had done with Bee, he couldn't hate her for leaving him and moving on with her own life. She had passed on. Her soul and body were gone, just as the counsellor had said.

She was still with him, in his heart, but his heart and mind should know that all that remained with him was her memory. He was allowed to love her memory, but he shouldn't allow the memory to consume him and take all of his love.

He finished his cigarette and stubbed it out on a nearby wall, before dropping it into a bin. His fingers were itching and restless, even in his pockets, and his mind was reeling from all of the opening up he had done during his session.

Yoongi quickly reached his home, and as soon as he had kicked his shoes off, he headed into his music room and sat at the piano. For a moment, he just sat and stared at the keys, not even realising that his feet had brought him to this room.

He lifted his fingers to the keys and began to play, and as he did, realisation slowly crept up on him.

It had only taken one session with a counsellor. One session of him just opening up about all his guilt and fears and all of the pain he had just from hearing his beloved wife's name for him to see the truth.

He had never known love like the one he had felt for Isabella; she had been his one and only reason for living and breathing, but now she was gone, all she did was cause him pain.

The memory of her was so warped and twisted that it had twisted his reality. He had mourned for two long, excruciating years and he still couldn't go a single moment without hearing her laughter or seeing her face.

Everything he did made him think of her; "Isabella loved this song," "Isabella would have hated me doing this," "Isabella used to smile just from me playing," "Isabella would have been proud," 

"Isabella"

"Isabella"

"Isabella!"

But what about him? What about Min Yoongi?

What did Min Yoongi love? What did Min Yoongi hate, and what made him smile?

He was so caught up in his pain and loss, that he had forgotten that he was alive. He was a living, breathing human being and he had reduced himself to nothing but a vessel for the memories of his lost wife.

"I can't do this anymore," His voice came out broken as his fingers stayed strong on the ivory keys in front of him.

"I can't live like this, Izzy," Tears began to fall down his face as he realised just how hard he had been holding onto something long gone. But his fingers stayed strong.

"I love you!" He screamed as he lowered his head, his fingers playing loudly as they reached the crescendo of the song.

"But I can't love you like this anymore," His fingers didn't falter once.

"I need to let you go, Izzy," The tears were dripping from his face, making the keys slippery and wet, but his fingers never slipped. They kept moving. He was stronger than he thought.

"I need to stop," He said, his voice becoming more firm, "I need to let you move on, and I need to let myself move on,"

The music grew louder as his fingers danced along the piano, playing away his pain and anguish.

"It isn't wrong to want to be happy!" He cried, the tears still coming. He didn't even know how to laugh anymore.

"It isn't wrong to want to be happy!" He yelled, his lungs hurting from the crying and the screaming as he reached the end of the song. His fingers slowed down and became more gentle, and once he had pressed the very last notes, he removed his fingers from the keys and stared down at his hands.

"It isn't wrong to be happy," He said, his voice soft, "Izzy... I want to be happy now,"

---

AN: I'm so sorry I haven't updated for a while, I hit a bit of a block! DX

The song for this chapter is "My Immortal" by Evanescence, Piano cover by Yuval Salomon.

I have also put the original here just in case, for some reason you haven't heard it. The song is beautiful, and the lyrics really do match Yoongis situation (It's better to listen to the version with no lyrics if you listen while reading, though)

Please give it a listen!