RETURN MY LOVE PLEASE

5

(Gon's POV)

Killua stayed still with his eyes closed. He slowly let go of my hand.

I didn't know what to say. 

I don't know how to react.

Killua's hurt. 

Did he really mean everything he said just now? 

He really loves me?

How can that be?

I didn't notice anything. I didn't know.

Didn't he said that he always loved me? 

Love that wants to marry?

It somehow makes me happy but it doesn't feel right.

"Killua I-"

I saw Killua's face grew pale.  Is this the big problem?  I hate seeing Killua sad. 

The sun is almost hidden from thick clouds and the world seems dark and cold. 

The weather looked like Killua.

"Killua? I- I love you too!" I said and cupped his face.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. His eyes are like glass from tears. 

He sniffed "You do?"

I saw his eyes gleamed with happiness.

" Yes I do. " I sighed.

"But it's not like yours." I continued.

(Killua's POV) 

Gon's face suddenly filled with concern and hesitation.

What does he mean by not like mine?

I waited for a while and he finally spoke

"I love you too Killua but only as a friend."

My head dropped it's like it doesn't know how to move anymore my heart felt dead. My ears doesn't seem to function anymore.

I'm certain Gon is still talking cause he grabbed my shoulders and shaked me back and forth. 

But I can't hear him. All I can hear again and again is the word friend.

I hurts so much! 

It fucking hurts so much!

I want to escape! 

I want this to be all a dream!

He loves me!  Yes!  But only as a friend!  I can't!

I can't accept it!

Gon shaked me faster and I came back to my senses

"Killua!  Killua! Killua! "

I looked at him and his brown eyes met mine.

"Killua,  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I didn't know.  It's my fault.  I'm sorry. I'm sorry Killua. I can't love you back the way you do.  It's not right you're a guy and I'm a guy. "

"Why Gon?" I asked even though he already said why.

I just didn't know what to say anymore.

It hurts so much!

He can't love me back cause it's not right.

It's not right.

Yeah I know.

"Killua.  We can't.  But you know that I love you right!  I will even give my life to you!  Cause you're so precious to me!  You're my bestfriend after al-"

"I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO BE YOUR BESTFRIEND GON! NOT ANYMORE!" After hearing the word bestfriend again I just couldn't hold myself back.  I want him to know what I really want clearly.

"Y-you don't? " Gon softly asked.

Shit!  Fuck this!  He's so annoying!  I'm annoying!  I hate myself!  I hate Gon too! Why can't he just accept my feelings?! 

"Gon." I said coldly, removed his hands on my shoulder. 

I stepped back, looked at him,  smiled, sighed and walked away.

He did not follow me.

The sky began to rumble and light rain began to pour.

I cried. Letting the rain wash my tears away. 

My feet felt heavy.  Gon still did not move an inch. 

I kept walking with nowhere to go. 

Gon,  if you won't accept my feelings it's better to be like this.  It's better that I won't see you and you won't see me.

I'm sorry. I thought I'm not afraid at anything but I guess you do to me so well.

The road suddenly gets rough and hard.  I'm in the town already?  Guess I walked far enough from Gon. 

Hehe I'm so funny.  All my life I've been dreaming of Gon happily married with me but I guess it'll never happen. 

For 5 years I kept it.  Now?  All the waiting has been worthless all the hopes I've been holding on too is broken.  I'm broken.

I touched my chest and clenched my fists. 

A broken heart eh? Now I know how that feels.

..