Dark Secrets

Chapter 14:

The next morning I decided to take a detour and walk towards the Hospital Wing. Last night I was up most of the night because I kept having the same nightmare that Draco didn't make it through the night and he died. The image of Draco in a pool of his own blood, barely moving was painted in my brain and it scared me. Even though I was still furious at him, it was hidden under my new worry for him.

I hate how that works. Even though I should hate him and shouldn't be worrying about him, I do and the feeling of worry always dominates my anger. So no matter how mad I got at him, my worry for his safety or well-being would go above all else. I was almost to the Hospital Wing when I saw someone walk out and I realized it was Draco. He looked perfectly normal and not as if he almost died the night before. I guess my brain was thinking of the worst possible results and then when I saw that he was perfectly fine, I was shocked. 

When I saw Draco and he was perfectly fine, all of the rage I've been keeping in seemed to come surging over the top. "Draco Malfoy, you son of a bitch!"

Draco looked up at me and he had a guilty look on his face. "Taylor-"

"Don't you dare say a word. What the hell is wrong with you? You keep throwing me mixed signals and I don't know what to think anymore! You treat me like shit, kiss me, treat me like shit again, kiss me and claim you care about me then you ignore me for three damn weeks and then you kiss me again! What the hell? If you're trying to confuse me until I give up on you then you win! I'm done with you and I'm done trying to figure you out because I can't do it anymore! I know I said that before but truly done now. You don't have to worry about me anymore. So just stay away from me and I'll stay away from you."

I turned away from him and was about to walk away when Draco grabbed my arm. He turned me around so I was facing him.

"Of course that's not what I want! Do you know how hard it's been for me? I didn't want to cause you any confusion or anything. If I didn't have this mission then I would have straight up told you what I want and how I feel. It's been hard for me to stay away from you too but I can't be selfish with you. I can't risk putting you in danger but staying away from you has been hell. I missed talking to you even though you would just snap at me because I love the sound of your voice. I missed hearing you laugh and seeing you smile. I missed being able to touch and hold you. I can't keep myself away from you.

"I provoked you to follow me so I could keep you close but I know now that was a mistake. Once Snape started to notice my attraction to you I knew that I had to let you go. But that proved to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Even when I had to stay away from you I still kept you at arm’s length, afraid to let you go completely. Don't you understand? I'm in love with you, Jen. All the teasing, provoking and getting under your skin and telling you that you were in love with me, was my way of showing you my true feelings. I've never felt this way about a girl so I didn't know...but I guess it doesn't matter anyway. You hate me and have a good reason to."

My eyes widened in shock. "W-what?"

Draco gripped my shoulders. "I'm in love with you and I can't let you go. No matter how much I try and push you away, I just come running back to you. But I don't want to hurt you and I'm afraid that if we were to ever get into a relationship then you would get hurt. That's why I've been hiding my feelings and pretending not to care about you when deep down I'm dying inside."

I couldn't say anything so I just stared at him with shock. Draco took the shock as rejection and he let go of me.

"But like I said it doesn't matter. You don't feel the same way but I just wanted you to know that I had to do all this. To keep you safe. I would never intentionally hurt you."

"How do I know that you aren't lying to me? I don't know what to believe anymore." I mumbled.

Draco grabbed my hands and laced our fingers together, staring me in the eyes. "I wouldn't make this up. Jen, I'm truly and undoubtedly in love with you and I need you to believe that if not anything else. Please, please, believe me."

I looked into his eyes and saw no trace that he was lying to me. He actually does care about me. But with all the lies he told me I wasn’t sure.

"I need you to prove it. All you’ve done is deceive me and I don’t know if I can trust you just yet."

Draco nodded understandingly and placed his hand on my cheek. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Draco kissed my head slowly and I closed my eyes. I opened them when he placed his forehead against mine.

"You have no reason to be afraid. You are the only girl I've ever loved and I don't use that word lightly. You're the only girl I've ever told I love you to. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart."