Dark Secrets

Chapter 26:

It's been a few week since I've sat at the Gryffindor table and things were finally looking up a little. I'm now really close with Harry, Hermione and Ron and Draco is actually talking to me, well teasing me. I feel like I'm back in time to the first of the year when all Draco did was tease me. It hurt when he teased me but after three months of the silent treatment, it's better in a way. It helps me hate him, which lessens the heartache if only a little.

I wish that me and Draco could talk one more time. I wish he could explain everything to me. I wish a could kiss him, just one more time. I ran my hands through my short hair. I needed to stop thinking like this, it only increases the pain. I just need a hobby or something to keep my mind busy. Classes only take up eight to nine hours but what about the other fifteen to sixteen hours? Half of that is sleeping but I always dream of Draco. If you can call it a dream, it's more like a nightmare.

Every dream I have about Draco, he's being taken away from me from an invisible force I can never see and there's nothing I could do about it. One moment he'd run up to me and tell me to run away with him then the next moment someone or something is pulling him away from me, and no matter how much I reach and call out, he never makes it back to me. It's an endless, torturous cycle. Every dream me and Draco would be in a different place but it always ends the same, he's taken away from me. So I've been trying not to sleep but that just leaves me to my thoughts. I've even resorted to trying to make myself a sleeping drought but I still dream.

It was breakfast time and I was sitting with my friends at the Ravenclaw table. Every other day or so I sit over with the Gryffindors and they always welcome me. I yawned and played with my untouched food. I was exhausted. I hadn't slept in the last few days and I couldn't keep my eyes open.I rested my head on my arms, not having enough energy to keep my head up. I haven't been eating either. I was either thinking too much to be able to force myself to eat or I couldn't look at the food without being nauseous.

Which is crazy, Hogwarts has the best food I've ever tasted, but I was making myself sick from all this thinking and worrying about Draco and food was the last thing on my mind. I could tell I was thinning, I could count every rib and my robes are always hanging off my shoulders no matter how much I try to pin them in place. I hated this. I hated being so weak that after Draco broke up with me I lost all my energy and my mind is always flooding with thoughts of him. I forced myself to eat, I knew I needed to and I wouldn't starve myself over a boy. 

But just thinking of Draco as 'just a boy' is a total understatement. I've dated other boys, and of course I felt sad for a while that it was over but I've never mourned this much over a guy. That's because Draco's not like other guys, he's the first guy I've ever fallen in love with. Sure I thought I had fallen in love with the other guys I had dated but comparing how much I cared for exes and Draco...well there was no comparison. Because I never loved my exes like Draco. I have no doubt that Draco is the one for me. Even if fate won't allow us be together I know in my heart that he's the one. I'll always love him and I will love him more than any other future guys. Because he's the only one for me.

After I had forced myself to eat food until I felt like throwing up I followed my friends out towards our class. Up ahead I could see Harry, Hermione and Ron. I was about to call them when I saw Draco purposely bump into Harry, making Harry's books go flying. Every since I had started sitting at the Gryffindor table I've noticed that Draco will go out of his way to bug Harry, and for no damn reason sometimes. Maybe I'm just noticing it now because I'm hanging out with them or Draco's jealous...

I jogged up to Draco and Harry, who looked about ready to duel. Harry was up in Draco's face, his face reddening with anger and Draco had a cool smirk on his face. That's it, I'm done with Draco's bullshit.

"Hey, Malfoy, piss off." I hissed, placing myself between Harry and Draco.

I thought I saw Draco stiffen but I couldn't be sure. "Standing up for your boyfriend, are you? Cute." Draco said but I thought I saw a flash of rage and hurt behind his eyes.

I rolled my eyes. "Why the hell do you think that every guy I hang out with I'm dating? Do you really think that I'm dating Mason, Harry and maybe even Ron because I hang out with them? If you had eyes you'd see that they all have girlfriends! Besides they aren't like you, they don't date more than one girl at once."

After I had left Lily and Mason together that day at Hogsmeade they had started dating and they still were now.

"I don't date girls. I just have a little...fun with them." Draco smirked.

I clenched my teeth. "You disgust me." I spat.

He shrugged. "I speak the truth."

"Bullshit." I growled.

I thought I saw surprise flicker in his eyes but it was gone so quick I thought I had imagined it.

"Just leave them alone." I said, getting up in his face.

I don't know what I was thinking because being this close to Draco I almost lost it and kissed him. 

Almost.

I couldn't back down now though, I would see weak. I brought my finger to his chest and with every word I said I poked him.

"If you want to pick a fight, fine. But it'll have to be with me."

Draco grabbed my finger and pulled me closer to him. I gasped. Draco brought his face down to mine so they were only an inch apart.

"I don't think you can handle my attention. You know what happened the last time." Draco smirked.

I grabbed Draco's tie and pulled him so our lips were only a breath apart. Draco's wrapped his arms around my waist and I trailed my finger down his face, causing his eyes to flutter.

I smirked. "No, I can handle it. But you can't" Then I pushed him away from me.

Draco stumbled back and gave me an incredulous look. I noticed that we had attracted a crowd so I looped my arms in Harry's and Hermione's before pulling them away. 

"That was bloody brilliant." Ron said in awe, stumbling to keep up as he looked back at Draco.

I shrugged as if it was no big but I couldn't get my heart rate down, it was beating as if I'd just run a marathon. "He deserved it. He's being a bloody child, always trying to pick a fight with you guys. I just put him in his place."

"I've never seen Malfoy look so surprised." Hermione said. 

"I guess I know the right buttons to press." I said.

***Draco's POV***

I watched as Jen walked away with Potter and I clenched my fists. It hurt like hell watching Jen walk away with Potter when she should be with me. But in a way I'm glad Jen has Potter (not that I'd ever admit that out loud). Potter will keep her safe but everyone around him seems to be dying...

I change my mind. I want Jen as far away from Potter as possible. She already has a target on her back because I love her the last thing she needs is an even bigger target because she hangs out with Potter. Not like I can tell her that. She'd probably tell me to piss off and start hanging out with Potter even more. I slightly smiled at the thought of Jen getting angry. She looks so damn cute angry. She clench her little fists and pout her lips, causing her nose to crinkle. Whenever she did that I'd just pull her into my arms and kiss her pouty lips and she couldn't help but smile.

While I was daydreaming I almost forgot I was in the middle of a crowd. Drama whores. I glared at the crowd.

"Piss off." I growled and the crowd scattered.

I can't believe I just did that. Not yelling at the crowd because those bastards deserved it. No, I can't believe I let my true feelings show. I had been so good at hiding my feelings but once she pulled me close I became putty in her hands. Damn it. I hope she didn't notice how weak I am. Like it was possible to not see. Maybe this will help convince her later that I really care about her. I just hope no one else noticed. The last thing I need is for someone else to know that Jen is my weak spot. I can't let people know how much she means to mean until I can ensure her safety.