Dark Secrets

Chapter 24:

It's been a few months since the last time I talked to Draco.

I've been avoiding him since.

Obviously I can't avoid him in the classes we have together but when ever I could I would. It wasn't hard though since he was avoiding me too. Even though it's been a few months I still haven't decided if I should believe that he loves me. He had a point that he had no advantage to telling me that he loves me and can't be with me but I still don't know.

If I allow myself to believe that he really does love me then it'll just hurt me, because I'd have to live with the fact that no matter how much we love each other we can't be together. And it doesn't make it any better that Draco is convinced that when I learn about his mission I will never forgive him. What could he have to do that will make me hate him as much as he believes? 

Hating him was easier. But no matter how much I try to hate him, I can't. I can pretend that I hate him but I know that it's only the top layer. I still love him so much that it hurts. So I hide the hurt under my 'hate' of him. It wasn't all fake because I hated the fact that he had to do this mission but I didn't hate him. 

I hate that no matter what I do something finds its way between me and Draco. There's always something between us that I'm starting to believe that we aren't meant to be. But every time we're together I know that that's a lie and we're meant to be. On the surface Draco and I look to be opposites but it's not true. We're both smart, cunning and damaged. I may not know much about Draco's past but I can see that he has a dark past in the way he presents himself. I know because it's exactly how I am.

So I just avoid him in general.

After class I came out to the tree I always sit under next to by the Black Lake, and pulled out a book. I sat down and propped my book up on my knees. I tried to read but I could barely understood the words because I was lost in thought. My thoughts are always about Draco. I wish they weren't. It hurt to think about him and how I can't be with him. It hurt that I could no longer show Draco my feelings. Why did love have to be such a bitch?

"Jennifer, right?" A voice to the right of me asked.

I slightly jumped and looked up at the voice. My eyes widened when I saw it was Harry Potter. I closed the book I had be 'reading' and gave him a confused look. The only times I had ever talked to him I had snapped at him for blaming something on Draco.

My thoughts flickered to that night when I had snapped at Harry for blaming what happened to Katie Bell on Draco, my heart ached. That was the first time Draco had kissed me. The first time I had allowed myself to care for Draco if only slightly. I shook the memory out of my head and sent a fake smile to Harry.

"Yeah. What can I do you for?" I asked, really confused on why he was talking to be in the first place.

"Can I sit?" He asked, gesturing to the ground where I sat.

I nodded and he sat down next to me.

"So...what's up?" Harry asked, leaning back on his hands.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You can over here to ask my 'what's up?' I would think that you'd be mad at me."

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I stood up for Draco and told you off." Even though Draco and I were no longer dating I couldn't get out of the habit of calling him by his first name.

Harry laughed. "I was very confused as to why you had stood up for him but I'm not mad. You were right that I shouldn't have accused him of something without having any evidence. It's just, it's Malfoy. You know?"

I nodded understandingly. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

It became quiet between us until I spoke up.

"So why did you come over here? The only times we talked I snapped at you."

"Well I...er...heard about you and Malfoy."

"What about me and Draco? You hate Draco why would you care if we dated?"

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry and Malfoy's an ass. I may not know you very well but I heard what had happened and you didn't deserve it. And Malfoy's an ass."

My lips quirked in a small smile. "Thanks I guess."

Harry smiled. "So...dinner's in an hour, do you want to sit by me?"

"At the Gryffindor table?" I asked.

Harry nodded.

"Uh...sure." I smiled.

Harry smiled back and stood up. "Cool. I'll see you at dinner then."

I nodded and he left. Well, that was odd. And it was odd that I said yes. I knew that a little part of me only said yes to Harry because it was a small way at getting back at Draco. Harry and Draco are sworn enemies, if Draco saw me eating dinner with Harry and his friends he'd get pissed. I know it's childish and wrong but I was curious to see if Draco does care at all. Or he had been lying to me.

I don't know when it comes to Draco. He's the only mystery that I couldn't solve, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up. I'm determined to find out what's going on with him. Even though for a few months I have been avoiding him but I think it's about time that I find out what's going on with him.

I'm still trying to figure out what Draco meant when he said that if I were to get involved someone would kill me. Who would kill me? Who is Draco doing this for? And what does he have to do? Those questions have been haunting me for the last few months and I think it's about time that I get answers. If Draco won't tell me, then I'll just figure it out myself.

****

At dinner, true to my word, I sat next to Harry and his friends. It was odd but the Gryffindors made me feel at home. Ron kept trying to get me to laugh, Hermione talked to me about today's lessons and the things she had read that only I would understand and Harry would talk to me about DADA (Defense against the dark arts) since it was both of our favorite class I had learned. I was having fun until something had to ruin it. Or should I say someone. 

"Hiding over with the Gryffindors? Sick of being taunted about being the stupidest Ravenclaw of this generation?" Draco's voice rang from behind me.

I gripped the table but refused to let him get to me.

"Piss off, Malfoy." Harry growled.

Draco laughed. "I see why you've over with the Gryffindors. They're the only ones that will protect you in front of you and have the decency to laugh at you behind your back."

That's it, I thought before standing up and facing him. He looked as smug as ever with a smirk on his face and his arms crossed. There was a challenging glint in his eyes that I was all too familiar with.

"Why does it matter that I'm hanging out with the Gryffindors? Does it bother you?" I asked, mimicking him by crossing my arms.

I stared up at him and I thought I saw his jaw tense but all he does is smirk wider.

"Not at all, princess. I just like to show everyone that even though we aren't together anymore I still have you wrapped around my finger. Anyone else would have just ignored me but you can't resist. Can't resist talking to me, even if it's just a pointless fight. You think that you're being clever but all you're doing is digging yourself a bigger hole."

"You're the one that can't resist. Who was the one that after three months finally talked to me? You hate that I haven't begged for you back so you're trying to play it like I'm the one who's missing you but really you're the one that's missing me. You think that you have me wrapped around your finger but in reality you're in the palm of my hand. I'm the only girl that wasn't begging for you the second you had broken up with me and you hate it. You hate that I have enough sense to not fall under your charm." 

Draco stepped closer to me. "You've already fallen under my charm. Who's to say you won't again? Besides, who says I even want you again?"

"You did. Just by talking to me it shows me that you're not enough of a man to get over me. So my advice is grow a pair and leave me the hell alone."

There was a chorus of 'ohhs' from the Gryffindor as a smirk made its way onto my lips.

But Draco didn't miss a beat. "I think you're the one that's trying to get my attention. You know that I'd hate it if you sat at the Gryffindor table. I think you're trying to get me to notice you. I thought you were above all this, princess."

"Have you ever thought that I'm sitting with them because I want to? Not everything is about you, babe." I turned away from him and sat down in between Harry and Ron before Draco could say another word.