'' why don't you spread you legs for us and lay on the bed like our own personal feast?''
*book one of the nystrom series*
carmen nystrom, one hell of a menance to everyone in her way. and yet the diamond in her parents eyes.
one party with her si...
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i don't get it to be honest.
i don't understand how. or why for that reason. why im angry, why im hurt. why im so god damn fucked up. i don't get it.
the fuck did i do in my previous life to get to deserve so much pain for shit i cant even remeber? i must've been hitlers best friend or some shit.
i wasn't even sure myself what i was so goddamn scared of.
isnt that fucked up? to be scared and not know why? isnt that fucking pathetic? im glad mt muscles were aching so much i couldn't properly focus on my thoughts.
i was fucking glad i was a trembling mess. i was fucking happy because atleast then no one had anything to say. if it was just a harmless workout- a harmless workout till i passed out at some point.
music blaring through the speakers of the private gym in the basement.
why did i walk away at that stupid party. they wanted me, i could've had them. no man liked to chase, now i was alone again. fucking alone. gosh, one day my siblings where all going to get married and our parents would grow tired of me.
i would be alone.
all fucking alone.
oh gosh. i was horrible- one second i wanted a game and the next i wanted love and happy ever after. i was so fucking tired of not even knowing what i wanted myself.
i splashed water in my face leaning over the bathroom sink my muscles still burning like acid was pumping through my veins. i grabbed the facewash from the counter washing my face thoroughly.
putting on a face mask sitting down outside on the balcony in my silky robe, sitting in the rocking chair i brought when i was ten.
i wanted to shout and fucking scream at myself, and those damned fucking marino brothers because why the fuck where they in my head? huh? they had no premusion or right to be in my head.
it was almost like mind rape or some shit. i don't know. but i wanted them fucking gone.
i took of my face mask throwing it in the trash can. i was gonna do the rest of my skincare routine in a minute now i just needed a breather.
and then i was gonna get up and do everything i needed to do and i would force gia and ronnie to go with me to the mall or something.
oh no never mind, gia had friends she wanted to hang out with today and ronnie had fucking tennis practice today.
and mum had work, and dad sucked at shopping he only ever said the things were pretty even though they were awful. and vinnie would never want to go anywhere because he just wanted to read.
