'' why don't you spread you legs for us and lay on the bed like our own personal feast?''
*book one of the nystrom series*
carmen nystrom, one hell of a menance to everyone in her way. and yet the diamond in her parents eyes.
one party with her si...
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carmens pov.
some days i feel like im on top of the world, as if i could conquer everything and no one could stop me, as if im invincible as if i cant be killed ever.
i feel high on life.
and then some days i feel like my entire life is just a means to no end, that i have no one. that i am so alone even my death will be forgotten, i feel as if all i can do is curl up under my sheets and hide from the world.
i feel drained by life.
some time i feel as if i am two opposites living in the same body. as if i am both everlastingly unbothered and horribly obsessive.
as if im everything and nothing at the same time.
as if im a god one day and the next a dying beggar on the streets. one day i am the worst creation god ever made the next i am god.
and people find me troublesome to care for. i too feel that. the self hatred, that is the only feeling that sticks around forever. the only thing i seem serdent off.
it was like a selfmade whip meant to hit me every time i got a little to high on those feelings, every time i though i could have something clearly not meant for me. something like love. like feelings.
such things.
sometimes i feel like i would be better of dead in a ditch. forgotten, dirty rotting away.
but i don't tell anyone that. because if a did they would tell me bittersweet lies. ' no, no, your loved ' ' don't say that carmen, your perfect ' ' you are beautiful' ' everything will be okay '
lies.
bittersweet lies.
the bed dipped and the sheets were pulled off only to be place back over me and someone else and a warm hand snaked under my silk nightgown resting on my lower stomach pulling me closer to them until i hit a hard chest.
'' its nearly 3 pm tesoro '' the intruder whispered in my ear kissing the back of it lovingly.
i almost, almost mistaken this for love. for affection.
i was almost fooled.
i hummed to his statement curling up further crying silently knowing i would forever be fucked up. forever be like this. '' come on cara mia why are you crying?'' another voice asked as the bed dipped again and someone put a warm hand under the sheets on my hip drawing small hearts.
