diecinueve

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Oscar was going to die, and it would be all my fault. The door was still cracked when I was laying on the floor in a ball crying. I was a mess. Who wouldn't be? The love of my life was going to die because of me. I was selfish and stupid and he didn't deserve any of it. Sad eyes must have noticed that I was crying and that I had seen what was going on because he came to Cesar's room to comfort me. Sad eyes had been another big part of my life.

He had always been there for me, just like Oscar. He looked after Cesar and I when Oscar got locked up. Sad eyes pulled me into a hug and told me everything would be okay, but I wasn't so sure. I had seen a lot of shit, but never as bad as what I had just seen. Oscar had been shot in the stomach and there was blood everywhere. He looked like he was in a lot of pain, and that was weird for Oscar. He was the strongest person I had ever met.

Sad eyes noticed that I had rocks deep in my skin, and I was covered in cuts. It must have been from when Cesar had thrown me onto the ground.

"Come here, let's get you cleaned up." He got up and pulled me off the floor. As he led me to the bathroom he made sure I couldn't see Oscar, but I wanted to see him. I wanted to make sure he was okay. What if he was dead? It would be all my fault. Once we got to the bathroom sad eyes shut the door behind us, so even if I wanted to, I couldn't see what was going on outside the bathroom.

"How is he?" I asked looking at my knees.

"He's going to be fine. Spooky is a survivor. Don't worry about him though, worry about yourself. I'm about to pull rocks out of your skin." He answered, digging through the medicine cabinet and multiple drawers. I cringed. I wasn't ready for what was about to happen, but I knew that compared to what Oscar was going through I was lucky. He got a washcloth and cleaned off my legs and then stood back and just stared at them.

I knew he didn't want to hurt me in the process of what he was about to do, but I also knew he didn't have a choice. I wanted Oscar with me, or at least Cesar. But I knew that wasn't possible. There was no way Oscar could be there for me, and Cesar was probably too busy helping his brother. I knew that it would just be sad eyes and I in the bathroom. I clenched my teeth as he pulled rocks out of my leg with tweezers.

He apologized every so often, clearly feeling bad for hurting me even though it wasn't his fault. This whole situation was my fault, I deserved to be hurt. I should have been the one to get shot, not Oscar. It still blew my mind that all of this had happened because of my stupidity.

"Please tell me you don't have to stitch me up." I said to him, worried. He was standing back looking over my legs. The rocks that had been inside of my legs were laying on the countertop next to me.

"No, I don't think I'll have to this time." Was his response. He was lifting and twisting my legs around to make sure he had gotten every rock out. He nodded his head, more to himself than to me, indicating that the rocks were out. He wiped down my legs again before putting medicine on them and covering my wounds in bandaids.

"Stay here. I mean it." He said to me before he left the bathroom. I wanted to leave. I wanted to check on Oscar, help him, kiss him, just be in his presence. I needed him more than ever, maybe he needed me as well. Bus mostly I wanted to make sure he was okay. I didn't want him to die, but especially not because of me. I leaned against the wall and tried to control my breathing, I felt as if I was going to have a panick attack. I pulled myself off of the counter and stripped out of my clothing. Maybe a shower would calm me down, I honestly needed it. I still had dirt on me from when we had to get on the ground. My hair was a mess and I was sweaty from running. My makeup was messy with all of the crying I had done. I was just a mess and I needed a shower.

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"Can I come in?" Cesar asked from the other side of the bathroom door. I had been out of the shower for a few minutes and I was stood in front of the mirror with a towel firmly wrapped around me, I was looking at my injuries that hadn't been covered by sad eyes.

"Yeah." I answered, my voice cracked. I was still obviously upset. The whole time I showered I played out different scenarios. Maybe Oscar would be fine, yeah he was hurt, but it wasn't the first time he had been shot. Maybe he would recover and everything would be fine again. Or maybe he would recover and he would hate me forever. Maybe he would recover but the prophets would come back and finish the job. Or the worst scenario, maybe he would die because of me. Cesar came in and quickly shut the door behind me, making me think Oscar was still fucked up.

"How's it going?" I asked, hoping Cesar would say that Oscar was doing really well.

"Do you want the truth?" Cesar asked me. That worried me. If the news was good he wouldn't be asking if I wanted the truth, he would just tell me things were going well.

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I'm sorry for leaving you guys on ANOTHER cliffhanger. Oopsie. Love y'all though😘 hope you're enjoying it

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