dont hurt me (spooky)

veintiocho

I quickly snapped the fuck out of it. I got up from the ground and brushed the dirt off my knees. I was shaking. The prophets kept fucking up everything that made me happy. Oscar wanted to kill them? Hell nah. I was going to do it my damn self. I brought myself into the house, ignoring the pool of blood behind me on the ground.

The pool of blood from my bestfriend who could've died right under me. I went straight to the bathroom. I wanted to go to the hospital but I wasn't going covered in Cesar's blood. I stripped out of my clothes and just looked at myself in the mirror. A lot of his blood had soaked through my clothes and was now on my body. There was even blood on my face and in my hair. Was it normal for someone to bleed that much? I remembered when Oscar got shot there was blood all over the house and he still survived.

Oscar had also only been taken care of by the Santos, Cesar was at a real hospital. I made myself believe that because Cesar had been shot in the shoulder and he was in the hospital that there was no way he could die, but I still couldn't help but worry about him. I stepped into the shower and turned on the hot water, I didnt even wash myself at first I kind of just stood there. I was dazed. When I got out I tried my best to not look at my blood soaked clothes that were lying on the floor. I'm not sure why though, I still knew they were there. Just like I knew the pool of blood was in the backyard. There was no forgetting it, I would never forget any of this.

These moments would be deep in my mind for the rest of my life and there was no changing it. These were the cards that were dealt to me but it wasn't fair. Why couldn't I live in Beverly Hills or somewhere nicer than Freeridge? I wasn't even seventeen yet and I had already had my boyfriend and my best friend get shot. Life wasn't fair, it was fucked up. How was I supposed to live like this? Yeah, Oscar could protect me and nothing bad had happened to me yet but shit was starting to get bad, and fast.

I threw on a hoodie and some shorts and left. I decided to just walk to the hospital it wasn't too terribly far from the house, maybe I needed some fresh air. Plus, they didn't need me there anyways, not right away at least. I walked into the hospital and just sat in the waiting room. I didn't text anyone that I was there, I didn't want this situation to be about me. I just sat and waited, although I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. I put my head in my hands and just focused on my breathing.

This wasn't about me, it was about Cesar. I couldn't be a mess when Cesar was literally getting a bullet pulled out of his shoulder. I felt someone sit down next to me and I immediately got annoyed. Did they not know what personal space was? There was a whole damn waiting room and they had to sit next to me? Oh hell no. I wasn't in the mood to play nice either. I was about to tell them off when I looked up and saw who it was.

"How is he?' I asked, trying to stay strong and not completely break down.

"He's in surgery right now, they said he's going to be just fine." Oscar said. He looked shaken up. He was staring into the distance. I had never seen Oscar look like this. He looked like he had seen some shit, and that was saying something. This is Oscar Diaz, the leader of the Santos we're talking about. He had been around and he had seen plenty of fucked up shit. But not his baby brother getting shot. Oscar had raised Cesar, so it made sense that this affected him more than anything else.

"Yeah...he's strong. Just like his brother." I said, trying to convince myself. I sat staring at the vending machine. I was shaking. As much as I told myself that he would be okay, I wasn't so sure. It couldn't be normal to lose as much blood as he had, I had never seen so much blood in my life. Fuck. Who was going to clean it up? I started to bounce my leg and just focus on the vending machine and not my injured best friend. Oranges, and pop tarts, and really red fruit punch that looks like blood in hospital lighting. I put my head back in my hands, I was much safer looking at darkness. I was going to drive myself insane.

"How is he?" Ruby asked, he had just burst into the waiting room.

"He's in surgery." I answered so that Oscar wouldn't have to say it again.

"We tried to get here as soon as we could, but we didn't have a ride. We had to run." Monse said, sitting down on the other side of me. I nodded my head. Jamal looked out of breath and on any other occasion I would have laughed and made jokes about it, but there was no way I was going to do that then. I wasn't sure if I would ever laugh again. They all sat down and we just waited. No one said a word, we were all thinking the same thing.

°°°

Fuck:'(