Elements of Fire

39. Draupadi Resolves

Draupadi woke up with a start, and a tiny cry of agony. She gently massaged the rear of her head above the veil and fragrant flowers cleverly knit into her elaborate hairdo. Her head had dashed against the head board of the bed, although the impact wasn't much, when waking up any such collision is naturally triggered.

She was about to bring her hand down when she winced again. This time, some of the ornaments in her hand had got stuck in her hair. She frowned in irritation, as some strands of hair also came out undone along with her hand.

She looked down at herself, the saree was in itself too heavy for sleeping in and the added weight of the jewelleries did not help. She grimaced, pulling out some of the necklaces, when a sudden smile spread across her lips.

"Tigress" she mumbled pleasantly, pulling a string of jasmines hanging nearby, to her nose.

She inhaled the soothing fragrance of the white flowers, the events of the previous night came flooding to her mind. She could have never imagined it would have turned out the way it did, but she did not mind one bit.

The curtains were drawn close, hardly a chink anywhere. She sighed thankfully as there were no three or four blankets covering her like last time.

A strange elation took hold of her. She sprinted joyously to the sundial and drew aside the curtains near it letting the light stream in.

"I am late again!" she exclaimed looking at the time "But why didn't I hear Aarya coming in. Has not finished training yet?"

Her feet fell on a mound of dried molten wax. She smiled sheepishly as she bent down and scratched at it mildly with her perfectly trimmed finger nail.

She had been worried needlessly. She had not trusted her husband enough but now she would. She would give him, her all, the way he had given her, his all. He was sensitive like Radha ma but she now understood that he could not express his care like his mother, and why wouldn't he? His life had never given him any reason to show his softer emotions.

The world knew only his anger, bottled up bitterness and frustrations still unchannelised, it was only his parents and perhaps Duryodahn who knew his other side, that side which yearned for love and acceptance.

Now she would fill that void, that yearning in him. She would teach him how to articulate his gentle feelings, to channelize his pent up pains in the tenderest manner possible. She would complete him and give him peace. She would be the woman who would send his heart racing, whom he would live and die for and she in turn would do anything to just to keep the smile on his face, his heavenly smile, untouched by whatever wind blew across their lives, she would give herself up totally to him.

She sighed, blinking away a few stray tears. These girlish fantasies were not new to her but unlike last time when all the dreams she had harboured as a girl had been crushed even before she could live out of them, this time was different. She felt an odd sense of hope.

Her more matured self which had seen much had cried out several times to her to nip such feelings in the bud and she had tried but failed several times. The much younger, immature self in her which was still that girl in Panchal who had dreamt of a life of love and bliss and whose swayamvar had squashed all those innocent yearnings seemed to have taken centre stage again.

She smiled, unconsicously touching her chudamani. What else was left in her life worth her emotional energies. Her family she did not know when she would ever see them again. She even doubted if they would be the same towards her again.

Her children, she longed for every passing day but she did not know how she could talk about this to her husband. Deep down, she was aware that they had all gotten used to her absence by now and also knew that her 'prior family' would do anything to make them forget her.

And she had to reluctantly acquiesce to the painful fact that it was best for her children to forget her. Her husband was the only person who would stand by her now, the only real identity she had now, the only purpose left in her life.

Like the molten wax of the candles which had fuelled the soft flickering golden light of the room the night before that fire which had so far been burning on her insecurities and apprehensions had been extinguished completely and now only a clean, strong and steady flame of hope burnt in her heart, the way it had been many years back when she had stepped out of the fire pit onto the earth.

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Hello everyone

I decided to delve into Draupadi's mind in this chapter as I felt that the few earlier chapters had largely dealt with Karna's point of view.

Drupad is coming in in the next chapters. Keep reading to see the dynamics between the couple changing with different situations.

Do let me know what you think, it would also help me continue the chapter better :)❤