Trying to live

Chapter 14 Part I

Hi,

long time no see. 

************

Summer before junior year

Dear Diary,

I'm a little nervous and excited. Ms. Denvers, the head of my block here said someone called for me! And I could go in a few minutes and call back. I'm sure, it's Henry. It just can be Henry.

Scott would call but he's honestly the type who rarely calls. He doesn't like it, he likes texting more. I'm the lazy type - don't like calling nor texting - but here I wait for calls like for candy. I don't have anyone here except ....well I could count Maya. No, rather not.

I know, I haven't told Henry about anything. Not about the way mom treats me. Not about the way I treat myself or how it hurts me. But now, I really want to talk to him, tell him everything. Even the way, Maya ask me questions about myself. She literally asks me about my life and I tell her things (not the juicy stuff  about mom and me) even if it's weird but every time I ask her about herself, she dodges or ignores my questions. 

She doesn't even tell me why she's here but I don't tell her either because my reason is plain stupid. I just know, she's home - schooled since her parents moved so much around and she doesn't know if they're moving again but right now, she's here.

Anyway, I'm going to call the person (Henry <3) back and have a nice chat.

Bye :P

Beginning of Junior Year

I didn't know I could be that stupid. If you want to know how stupid, read my entry above. You know, I'm sitting on my bed right now and yes, I took a bottle of my good old friend Whiskey (that's a good joke) out of my Mom's cabinet and am reading through my diary.

Commenting on this entry is very hard because it's cringy and stupid of me to have assumed that my ex had called me. It wasn't him. He never called. Henry had enjoyed himself and maybe he needed a break from me as in he thought it was the best that I should be left alone.

I know that my departure wasn't pleasant for both of us. He was angry with me but how could he not call? I .....needed him - maybe anyone. Writing and seeing what I wrote about Maya ....was painful. That's why the Whiskey and because of the party downstairs. Damn Scott! Doesn't he know I didn't want people in my house? In my room? I had to lock my room!

Every time I look out my window and see the Avilla mansion, I can't shake the feeling that someone from them had called me. The phone call wasn't one I anticipated but it helped me. The person on the other side helped me. That person called me more than once not like Henry. For that I was - even if the person wouldn't read my diary and I would never say that to their face - thankful <3

Bye 

************

Cam. That was the person on my mind. The person I was searching as I walked upstairs. After our cleaning session in the library, I quickly went home, texting Rose that something important came up. I bet she knew I was lying but she sent me thumbs - up - emoji. I even ditched my "date" with Cam and did my homework, ate something and slept like I had nothing to do.

And I didn't but I felt guilty for talking like that with Cam. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know that I didn't deserve to laugh or smile. And it was my own doing. I didn't get to be angry with him.