Trying to live

Chapter 40

Cameron Avilla was kissing me. 

I put my hands on his chest and tried to push him away. Mere seconds later, I was the one who crossed her hands behind his neck and pulled him closer.

I opened up to him and let him have a taste. 

When was the last time I was kissed? 

When was the last time I let go? 

I kissed him back. 

He tasted of strawberries and new beginnings. He tasted of all the things, of all the possibilities I threw under the bus when I took one decision that turned my life upside down. 

Cam's hands were splayed at my waist. One wandered up to my hair and he fisted it.

I gasped and he took this as an opportunity to deepen the kiss.

I wasn't complaining. I would never admit it out loud but I really enjoyed it.

I enjoyed having someone touching me again like this. To feel someone's hands on me again.

I enjoyed having someone kiss me again.

My hands moved upward to get lost in Cam's black hair. It was soft and reminded me of his cousin's. 

I internally shook my head. I didn't want to think about Henry or anything else. I wanted to feel this moment.

I closed my eyes.

It was the wrong thing to do. 

I had no idea what I was thinking would happen when I closed my eyes - well I did, I just wanted  to feel good but that did not happen.

All I imagined, all I saw while my eyes were closed was someone else kissing me.

Someone else touching me.

I imagined someone else while I was kissing someone else.

I imagined green eyes and black hair while I was actually kissing the opposite guy with brown - black eyes and black hair. 

How fucked up I was. 

I pushed Cam with all my strength away and he let go of me and stumbled a few steps aback.

I breathed heavily and couldn't look Cam in the eyes.

"Em?" I heard him say my name but I couldn't think straight.

I was hot and felt as if the heat would subside. Probably because of all the kissing in a parking lot and because I was embarrassed. 

In a daze I rounded the car and was grateful that Cam unlocked the doors beforehand, so it wouldn't be more of an embarrassment waiting for him to open the car door, when all I wanted to do right now was to vanish into thin air. 

I leaned my head back and touched my lips.

What happened right now? 

It was unexpected that Cam kissed me. Hell, it was even more unexpected that Cam liked me more than a friend.

I didn't know if I liked him like that but I knew that I felt something for him when he was close to me. 

I also knew that I wanted to kiss him back but I wasn't ready to admit it.

I was probably craving for it and that was why I kissed him back.

But how the hell did Henry come in between us?

I was sure when I closed my eyes I would either feel the moment or be haunted by different things but I never thought that I would see Henry behind my eyes.