Trying to live

Chapter 4

Hey wattpaddies!

 well, read and enjoy!

***********

I felt so drained, when I got my books from my locker and  walked to the parking lot. Not only the drama with Scott, but also the fact that I had to stay under the same roof as Henry Avilla took every inch of my energy. 

I didn't even let a single thought drift to my mother's accident, I thought, as I opened the drivers seat to my car. I wasn't a fan of cars, I didn't even know which car I had but it was a gift from my dad. I decided I wanted a black one and he bought me one and sent it over here for my sixteenth birthday last year. I was a fan of black, white, dark blue, grey - particularly dark colors. 

I put my bag on the passenger seat, put my seat belt on and drove off. I had work after school and needed to change out of my school uniform. I didn't work everyday - I worked for at least six hours a day but if I couldn't work because of school, I tried to even out my hours. Mostly I worked Saturdays longer than usual by putting 8 hours a day just to avoid my mom and Scott. And Sunday was my off - day, where I did my assignments for next week or where I just sat in my room and read. 

I rolled my window down and put my hand on the hand printer device. We also had guards but I just liked Stanley, so I politely nodded at this guard, who didn't even acknowledge me. The gates to my mansion opened and I drove the long driveway in. After parking my car, I walked to the front door and opened it.

It was good I'd taken my keys with me. I climbed one side of the bifurcated stairs and the others stairs up to the third floor. The third floor was my and Scott's area with two master bedrooms, an office, a lounge area where Scott mostly invited his friends over and a big library designed for me. It was my sacred place. 

I rushed in my room, shedding my uniform and changing into a skinny black jeans as well as a black, long - sleeved shirt and my white Pumas I already wore at school. I tossed my uniform in my walk - in closet. 

My room was big (duh, it's a master bed room) - I had a big bathroom in it, my walk - in closet and kind of a living room. That room was actually a separate room but Dad and I decided to combine it with my room. So, he and his friends like Henry's Dad tore down the wall and connected it to my room.

 I've kept my room as simple and impersonal as I could after I came back from there. The whole bedroom was a mix of white, grey and gold. My king size bed was covered with a white duvet cover and a mix - match with white and gold pillows. My bed night stands were white, my make up table in my walk - in closet was white like my desk opposite of my bed.  I winced, it looked disastrous with my books piled over. 

The very place I loved was the window bench which showed the front lawn, was covered with gold pillows like my living room. The cool thing was that next to my desk were three small stairs and right there was my living room. I didn't have a door that separated my bedroom and living room, I just had a curtain hanging on both sides. My bathroom was on the left side, the door right next to my nightstand and my walk in closet was on the right side, next to my door. 

 I took my Louis Vuitton and tossed everything I needed in as I put my books on my desk.

Suddenly it hit me as I closed my bedroom door - I wouldn't sleep here today. I had to live in the mansion across the street, at the Avilla Mansion. As much as I dreaded it, I had to live there until my mom recovered. 

That I hadn't thought about her at all was with intention. It meant I didn't have to think about her. I'll spare my heart some pain not thinking about her. I shook my head as I walked to my car. Our mansion was actually purchased by my grandfather. His best friend lived here until he died and Grandpa loved his home as much as his own. After Dad graduated from high school, he and Uncle Josh, who served at the military, lived here together. And when Mom and Dad married, they decided to move in here since Uncle Josh and his wife moved to New Jersey.

When Mom and Dad divorced, he left the house for her. And I was happy he did, because I wouldn't have ever forgiven him if he lived with his new family here. Not just for the good memories we had together, but also for the Oak - tree swing on the front lawn he built for me with great difficulty, when I turned twelve. 

I loved that old Oak - tree swing for all the memories I had with it, even if they were short lived with his presence - from the first tree climbing attempt where I scraped my knees badly, the first try of Priya swinging on the swing and getting scarred for life, Cam chasing after me when I stole his iPod, the push of Scott when I teased him he was in love, the first swing from Henry where he asked me to be his girlfriend, where he always gave me my birthday gifts, trying to erase the bad memories I had the next day after my twelfth birthday to the last swing, where Henry and my last kiss happened. The tree swing was the best and at the same time the worst birthday gift ever because on the next day I had no Dad anymore.

And even if I sometimes swung on the swing, the overwhelming feeling of all those memories, the feeling of Dad leaving me never left and I cried everyday I was on the swing. A small smile crept up on my face as I touched the swing. I remembered the day where Henry asked me to be his girlfriend. I was fifteen in 10th grade - I skipped a grade early in elementary school, went to school earlier than most kids,  so I'll turn seventeen in November this year and graduate at the age of 17.  I said yes and not just because we were best friends before. 

I felt something for him ... I loved him but when we broke up at the beginning of junior year I didn't have any feelings for him. It could be because he spent so much time with Juliette when I returned after a month. They spent four weeks together and I had four weeks with him before school started. They were the most horrible four weeks in my life. I shook my head slightly.

I won't think about him. 

I was glad that Mom let me keep the swing and didn't cut the tree like originally planned to. It's the only thing along your memories he left you with, and I'm not the one who will take this away from you, her words echoed in my head. I breathed in and out and drove off.

As I navigated my way through the streets I thought about the tainted relationship of us. We were good even when Dad left us until I turned fourteen. I thought the dislike I got from her was because she suffered but when I saw her behavior with Scott, I realized that it had to do with me. She didn't like me but I still tried to make her proud. 

Until I had enough.

Until I saw that I wouldn't let her control me anymore. Even if I was young I was mature enough to make decisions for myself. And this was the maturest decision I've made in my entire life. Well, until last year where I've made the best/worst decision in my life. 

I parked my car which was very difficult, because even if I got my license I was still a bad driver and probably the worst one in parking.

I walked in, in 'Royals', which stood for the royalty of Lakewood, followed by the ding sound that screamed new costumer. 

Royals screamed just royalty. The interior floor was in black marble tiles and the coffee tables were also black while the chairs were black, but the arms and heads were golden and ornamented like Kings or Queens were sitting on them. The decorations were plants, expensive paintings and vases full of flowers. 

Even the counter was black marble. The only thing that looked normal were the stools at the long tables. My gaze found the stairs that led upstairs. When I didn't work, I always sat upstairs because upstairs was the 'vip lounge'.

And I knew for a fact that my former friends including my brother and my ex Henry were there or would be there. And then my gaze landed on a familiar face, who stood at the counter talking to my boss.

My grandma. "Shit," I said to myself.