Alice in Borderland

Chapter 54 - Invisible wall

By the time the sun had reached its highest point, my patience was already completely at an end. All morning and forenoon everyone visited me: Izumi and Yuudai, Satoru, Ann several times, Katsu, Aguni and the Hatter, and even the boy from the last game. But not once did I see Chishiya.

He doesn't necessarily have to be here visiting me, but I just miss him. After my ten of spades game he was here, after the seven of clubs game when I drowned I slept at his place and after the last game Kuina said that he actually wanted to be with me - and now he is not here. I felt comfortable with him no matter what happened. I broke down and don't know why, while he just had an angry expression. The last day started out so nice: I woke up and he was here. He grinned broadly and led me to Satoru, who is still alive.

At some point I just get too restless, so I flip back my blanket and get up against Ann's instruction. I brace myself against the walls and shimmy my way through the hallways of the hotel until I get to the hatch of the roof. A moment before I open the door, I hesitate. I take a deep breath and pull myself together, because I know who is waiting for me behind this door.

I open the hatch and as soon as the afternoon sun hits me, I hold an arm in front of my eyes and wait for them to adjust to the light. I spot Chishiya sitting on the edge, his gaze sternly fixed on the people below. He is wearing his black sweater and hood, which is why I can see from here that the wind is blowing his front two strands back slightly.

I sit down next to him and watch the people for a moment, and although this pleasant silence almost overwhelms me, I can't help it.

"Are you all right?", I ask but he still looks down silently. Just when I get the feeling he doesn't feel like talking, he answers.

"Yes."

Even though he's seen me doubled over in pain, he doesn't ask the question back. Really I didn't expect it from him, but he doesn't even look at me to make up his own mind about my condition. His gaze is still fixed on the people below, but his eyes don't seem to scan anything. It feels like he's trying to put a distance between us, and I don't like it.

"Tomorrow I'll get a new room. Then you'll have to watch who you walk into the room with," I joke lightly, but his expression remains emotionless. Chishiya doesn't answer, nor does he avert his gaze from the pool area. This man is driving me crazy. I swallow my anger, because if I want to get anything out of him, I have to stay calm. I continue to dangle my legs over the edge and lie down to avoid the pain from sitting. But as soon as I rest my head on the gravel, a twinge of pain goes through me in that very spot.

"That wasn't so smart, you have a cut on your head," he says dryly and I sit back up. I mumble something quietly in annoyance that he can't hear my words. Ignoring me for the most part, but the main thing is to add his two cents on something like this. But when he notices my annoyance, a tiny smile creeps onto his lips. It doesn't seem amused or provocative, rather as if he was satisfied with my reaction. What is he trying to get at?

"How long have you been sitting up here? I haven't even seen you today," I try to sound friendly again to get a little more out of him.

"Why, should I have been sitting with the others holding your hand comfortingly?" he says snidely and I look at him confused. Is that why he's acting so weird? No, it can't be I mean ...

Maybe it bothered him that Katsu took my hand. Especially after his gesture during our last game together. Even if it's not like Chishiya, but I can understand it a little bit too. Only what I don't want to realize is if he's miffed about it. No. We're not talking about anyone here, but Chishiya. It would rather fit to him that he withdraws or builds up an ice layer around his feelings.

But I simply won't and can't allow that. It's his decision, but I don't want to lose what is between us, even if I can't say what exactly that is. I gather my courage and put my hand on his shoulder. I can feel his gaze turn ice cold and he looks at me for the first time. But I just smile softly at him and meet his iron gaze.

"Please don't do that Chishiya," I beg him and look at him lovingly, "When you're ready, you know where to find me."

For a moment his gaze softens and he looks at me slightly startled. I just nod slightly and stand up leaving him alone. Whether he wants to continue to look at me emotionlessly like he did during this conversation is his decision. But one thing he should know, I won't give up on him that easily. You won't get rid of me that easily Chishiya Shuntaro.