Alice in Borderland

Chapter 96

The soft light of the morning sun, which only half an hour ago pleasantly illuminated the room, gives way to the bright and powerful rays of the midday sun approaching its peak. The muffled sounds of booming music reach my ears, confirming that it must be at least late morning. Silent and careful not to make any jerky movements, I lower my tired gaze down and look sadly at the black mop of hair. Gently, I keep running my hand over his hair soothingly, even though he has fortunately been sinking into a deeper sleep for the past hour.

After not a single one of his tears would escape, his body was numb and his eyes empty. Yuudai's head rests on my lap and I take care to breathe shallowly so as not to awaken him from his brief moment of rest. I've never been good at saying the right words to grieving people, and especially not in this case. What words could possibly soften such a loss? Still, leaving him alone while he lingered in this rigidity didn't feel right. And while this familiar gesture might give him even a small comfort, the unspoken words still dry my throat. Perhaps I should have told him what had happened, but it would have done him no good. Yuudai is not the person who is looking for answers at this moment. His thoughts are not yet about how Izumi died, for his heart feels only the pain of her loss. I don't even want to imagine what that must feel like.

He took out a bottle of vodka from his liquor cabinet last night, willing to drown that pain in his chest and numb his body. But between the heart-wrenching slurps and the stifled screams, he couldn't down a single sip. At one point, I moved the bottle an arm's length away from us so he would stop trying desperately in his grief. But if he were to ask for the bottle again, how could I deny him?

His behavior is beginning to worry me, this rigidity he has fallen into in the meantime was frightening. He seemed almost cathatonic, didn't react to my voice or other stimulus-inducing sensory perceptions. He should still have a few visa days left, maybe I can talk to the hatter that he does not participate in a game for the time being. Or better yet, I'll contact Ann right away. The way the Hatter looked to me yesterday makes me doubt that he would be considerate of Yuudai if there was even a chance that he could obtain a new card. I think Ann could talk to him and convince him that it would be better to let Yuudai take some time off. Because I think in his current condition he wouldn't last long and at the same time could put the other participants at a disadvantage.

Sighing, I lean back against the wall behind me and look up at the ceiling. What if Yuudai goes into a match and can only think about Izumi? It doesn't have to be his current state, which can become dangerous for him. Maybe he is sabotaging himself and aiming not to survive his next game. People grieve in a different way and these games offer no small opportunities to end that grief.

Jerking open the door to the room, my head snaps out of my thoughts in the direction of the entering footsteps. I look at a harried young man who leans slightly against the doorframe to take a breath. With a stern expression on my face, I raise my index finger to my lips to indicate that he should be quiet. After his eyes fall on Yuudai's sleeping body beside me, he seems to understand and puts on an apologetic smile. Silently, he gestures for me to come into the hallway and my eyebrows draw together suspiciously. I nod slightly and point to one of the armchair cushions the man hands me, and gingerly I lift Yuudai's head to write the cushion underneath. Briefly, I remain seated in a crouch to make sure he continues to sleep, and as his chest continues to rise and fall evenly, I straighten up and follow the man in the baseball cap into the hallway. After letting the hotel door fall noiselessly into the lock, I look curiously at the man and realize that he looks familiar from somewhere. He seems to have caught his breath and after a sad look at the closed door, he returns my gaze. The sensitivity he shows makes me suspect that he knows Yuudai and with a scrutinizing look down at him I notice that he is not carrying a weapon.