She will always be the one

*Heartbeat, stopping*

Saama ~ POV

The stench of cigarette smoke fills my nostrils and I squeeze my nose to sniff it to see if it is really there. My breathing becomes shallow as I finally comprehend, that it is around me.

My lashes slowly wind up and adjust on the man in the black shalwar kameez, overlooking the window meanwhile profusely inhaling on the white cylindrical thin paper continuously.

I stare into the solid back, facing me. I find myself falling into the pit of rejection. This back that can only belong to one man is now tied to me in every possible way.

The man who had always freaked me internally is now a part of me.

A rejection that I have always had in accepting him has eventually claimed its acceptance by the forceful situation that the fate has made.

I deny...

I deny being with him.

I am in a state of denial and I can never recuperate from that.

The denial that I have is because our souls can never connect in a way that he wants.

My soul is connected to the man that unfortunately saw the worst in me before the best in me and in the end left me in the dark.

Soham saw my darkness, a burden. When he should know that eventually one day, everybody finds themselves in the dark because the sun never rises during the night.

I admit. I am full of flaws that would eventually take me to the grave one day but that does not mean that a withering flower doesn't fight until the end to live, to grow into something beautiful.

I admit. My cells are working thousands of times harder than normal cells but each beat is beating that much harder to live to love him until the end.

To say until the end is a promise you make with your soul to dedicate yourself to the ones of the only one whose beats are beating in the chest that is protectively caged by the ribs.

Now that the heartbeats have stopped then what's the point of protecting them within the cages so securely for a person who has to demean the value of my heartbeats that despite everything I have left were these beats.

He took away those rhythmic beats from my soul that was the only nourishment to my existence. The only bad thing I believed he did to my shattering soul is to lose the momentum I had within me to not to love someone more than it will hurt to know that anytime, I may leave behind the ones that I love so much to leave.

Ever since I knew I may leave sooner than expected I begin to diminish my wishes and tender emotions such as love.

I distance myself from those around me, no matter how much they tried to create a happy environment where I could learn to grow out of my pain. And to experience the life that was already knocking me down.

The only reason I prefer the aloofness around me was to protect myself and my parents from getting further damage.

I purposely didn't want to create any memories that when I die they will reminisce which will only give them aches that once their daughter was alive.

I don't want to become the reason for their tears even after my departure. I had never given them the life that a child does by their existence in their life.