She will always be the one

♧Nothing Is Meant♧

Zaabit ~ POV

I wake up to a parched throat and dry lips. I run my tongue across my lips but that act fails to be helpful. I open my mouth wide to get the moist air inside to cool my lungs that are on fire. Every act brings pain in me and I can't battle with myself to get up.

A gust of cold air whimpers in through the wide open window and everything that could possibly be move, flutter to it. The curtain has been pulled aside and a full moon has stretched across the sky. The moon streaks are filling the dark room and my eyes still hope to see her face.

My heart constricts upon her harsh words that reruns in my head like a mantra.

All the while I thought she cared about me but that was just a dream that I have crafted for myself and I was seeing her the way I wanted to see her.

She pitied me and it stings me right through the soul of my already shattering heart. It hurts, not only my wounded heart but everything that is me. Her given wounds are deeper than ever and nothing can ever pacify it.

Her words are like a thorn and I bleed to it like the color of a rose.

Tears fall across my face and the moist quench my lips and mouth. I swallow the lump that seems to have formed in my throat.

A shiver runs down my back and I pull the coat tighter across my skin. The fur at the hoodie brushes against my cheek and I realize, it's not mine. I smell the sleeve of the coat and it smells feminine. It is the smell that I sense on Saama while I held her over my shoulder in the morning.

Now, her smell is all over me. It has encased me like a strong perfume. And despite it hurts so much I still like it on me that much. There is at least something of her that wants to stay by my side and doesn't make me more miserable than I am.

I struggle to get out of the bed to stop the cold wind from blowing into my already cold heart. As I stood on my two feets, the floor carries a warmth, letting me know the heater is on.

The moon streaks guide me to go to where it wants me to walk. Everything seems to a whirlwind as I take another flight of step toward the window. Everything is moving in a circular direction like my inner turbulence. My emotions are whirling like a tornado which is chaotically changing me and I want it to stop before I fall deeper than I am.

I have never been this weak before and it is only her who is making me weak. My weakness is falling for her without letting myself realize where I stand in her life. I should have known before making her my existence.

I hold onto the window to still everything that is in motion. I breathe in, the chilly air to tame the raging riot in my lungs. My eyes fall together for a moment only to be open back again.

The embers of a burning paper fly in the air, replacing the snow. The snow seems to have stopped to catch it breathe before it showers again.

The full moon is shimmering the fallen flakes, making the night a part of some movie with skilled editing.

Suddenly, I could mirror my feelings with the moon. We are both so lonely alone yet we still hope for a future. The moon stars have disappeared and its harder for it to shine alone, no matter how much strength it is taking yet it is withholding.

The moon is mocking me that she pities me yet I am wearing her smell like a precious gem and with that, I follow the moon words to take it off.

I toss it into the metallic trash can with ashes that is still believing in living forever. The minute it touches the hot ashes the jacket ignite to burn to disappear. I watch her smell burn away and it kills me so much that it aches in the heart of mine.