She will always be the one

Don't Want Charity

Zaabit --- POV

"Zaabit" I hear my name on her lips.

I was passing by her room to go out for a walk. And I am abruptly stop. I stop but I don't turn around to look at her. I can't look at her. I know she is much stronger than she was, yet I feel the pain of her being tormented by our gardener that way.

She stands in front of me, breaking my thoughts like a powerful tide. I can't match her stance because I feel responsible for her terrible ordeal. If only, I hadn't asked her that day.

"This is for you" she starts again, handing me a red scarf.

"I don't like it" I utter rather quickly.

"What" she exclaims as my words takes time to settle in her head.

My eyes sears the red scarf and I can literally see holes in them. I don't look at her because of my heart. If I do I would lose my withheld bearing.

"Then I would try to find the one you like" she whisper, and with that she disappears.

The moment she is gone from my sight. I quicken my pace as the roof seems to lower down to swallow me whole. Once I am out, I breathe. The cold wind filled with nothing hits me on the face and I am mentally finding myself falling into pit of nothingness. That feeling that nothing matters when I know it does, everything matters...no matter how much I say or anybody says it. The nature of humans is that they are born with humility, they can never truly overlook the matters that means a lot.

The sudden fire in my lungs tames down with the help of filling myself with icy air. I stare into nothing particularly when tears succumb me down, comprehending her calm state after giving into her fears. The darkness which had been with her finally disappearing. This is the first time, I am seeing her after that vicious trip into her memory.

Sabrina didn't fought with me when telling her the truth that I have never once loved her, never known, and never will I ever was enough for her to give up on me. Sometimes, telling the truth saves you from wasting that energy which could be offered into something else.

"Sabrina, let her go and stop deluding yourself that you can ever stay" I voice without stirring her anger.

"Zaabit. This is all you have to say to me after shoving you in my heart and reciprocating your affection" she replies in a hurting tone.

"To be honest, it was nice to have someone listen to you but I never meant it to be you and would never want. I only cared about you because I thought it was her."

"Stop" she halts me midway "you don't have to explain yourself any further. I get it. It wasn't me and I lead you on knowingly. And to that I won't apologize, my sentiments were genuine which to you might seem like I played with you. I really do hate you at a time like this, you didn't realize how much you killed me more with what you just said" she breaks, tears filling her eyes and rolling down her cheeks.

"I...I...I...I never meant to hurt you by telling you the reality of my feelings. I would be hurting myself if I were to lie to you...I have to save myself in order for me to save others."

"I will let her go for you. And it is only for your sake...and I certainly loath being called Saama" she said before she left me alone to walk into uncle office to be recorded.

I didn't followed her in. It wasn't because I didn't wanted to know what caused the havoc inside her. I really was curious but I felt that if I had Saama permission then I would. It's a part of her memory which she is unaware of and invading that part before her seemed wrong.