Jude was my first love ;
my first everything actually.
We'd been inseparable since the very first years of secondary school . Of course in the beginning he was just the funny boy who sat next to me in science , but he soon became more .
And yes , we were young and clueless at times , I mean we were twelve . But we've both grown as people since then and we did that together.
He'd taught me how to love ; and how to love myself.
Which is why it hurt so bad those many months ago when Jude decided to end things , and to end everything I'd ever known in the process.
- July 14 2020 -
" hey baby" I said , wrapping my arms tightly around Jude's waist as he arrived In my Birmingham home .
" hey darling , how have you been ?" He asked , seeing as we'd been apart for a few days now due to his constantly busy schedule.
" I've been good , I've just been baking actually, how are you ?" I grin up at him .
" yeah ... yeah I'm alright." He said , trailing off near the end of his sentence .
" are you sure everything is ok ?" I ask him concerned when he made it obvious that something was bugging him .
" I'm fine , Cmon let's go to your room I need to talk to you."
" uhhh ok ?" I said confused , but followed him upstairs to my bedroom all the same .
We sit facing each other on the bed that we usually cuddle in , and I could tell immediately that whatever he was about to say was not something that I was going to want to hear .
" listen y/n , I've been putting this off for a while now but I need to talk to you about something."
I stay silent , dreading his next words .
" um , how do I say this ? I uh - I've been offered a transfer to a bigger club."
He said ,playing with his hands anxiously whilst waiting for me to speak up .
" Jude , that's great news !" I say , springing up to embrace him tightly .
" wait baby , you didn't let me finish -" I place my finger on his lips to silence his worrying , why had he been so nervous to tell me that ?
" Jude seriously don't worry ! This is great news , and if it's distance your worried about we'll make it work." I grin , feeling ready to burst with proudness.
" yeah well you could say that's what I'm worried about ." He said .
" what ? well where is it , it can't be that far ?" I ask , dreading his answer slightly.
" uh , we'll urm , it's in uh -" he stuttered.
" Jude just spit it out already."
" Germany. It's in Germany."
"Wha- what ?" My stomach felt like it had dropped to my toes , this couldn't be happening, not to us .
"I fly out tomorrow for my medical and if that goes well , the news will be announced on the twentieth ."
" oh ."
" y/n listen , if I didn't think this would really be good for my career I would never consider leaving ."
" am I like last to know ?" I ask hurt , he was going to be leaving any day now , this must have been in the works for a while .
" I just didn't know how to tell you okay ? I love you y/n I really do , this is hard on me aswell ."
" it doesn't have to be hard though Jude , I can come with you." I suggest , as a last ditch effort to convince him against what I felt he was about to do.
He just shook his head as tears began to build in his eyes .
" y/n , baby , you can't." He said reaching out to wipe my own tears gently from my cheek .
" yes I can , I can leave not long after you and-"
" stop darling , you and I both know that we can't carry this on ." He said , screwing his face up in despair at the words that had just left his mouth .
" are you breaking up with me ?" I ask , I can physically feel my heart begin to shatter.
" baby , there's no other way , it will just hurt us both more if we drag it on."
"No Jude , please , I need you." I choke out , this can't be happening.
" I'm so sorry sweetheart." He said , crying himself now .
" Jude , don't go ." I say as he rises to his feet , clearly about to leave .
" I'm sorry baby."
" DON'T call me that." I snap .
" I'm sorry y/n , I love you , always." He says reaching for the door to my room .
" fuck off Jude , if you loved me you wouldn't be doing this."
" stay safe darling , I'll be thinking of you." He continued as if I wasn't breaking right in front of him .
" I hate you ." I muttered , as my vision clouded with tears , but not enough for me to avoid watching the boy I love leave.
A First love is cruel , and I'm glad I only have to experience it this once .
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Ok I know this is short but I'll be making a part two to this is that something everybody would want <3
P.s happy new year!!!
