I tightened my grip on my steering wheel - to the point where my knuckles were verging blue - but I barley took notice . I was too busy gazing at my surroundings as I drove the long way home ... the way that passed his house . The one we used to share .
I'd been out to dinner with the girls tonight , for the first time in far too long . It had taken some serious convincing on their part because , in all honesty , since myself and mason had parted ways all I've been up to is slouching around my parents place feeling awfully sorry for myself . I've not even been house searching yet - I suppose due to the lingering slither of hope I held onto that things would return to Normal .
Tonight's events had only proved to me one thing though , that every day activities like meeting my friends were painfully impossible now . Everything was a reminder of him , of us.
My friends had of course mentioned him in passing - the usual rant about the fact I was far better of without him - or the reassurance there were plenty other fish in the sea . But it broke me . Not because they were necessarily wrong , but because despite everything he'd put us through , all I could think about was how much I ached to be with him in that very moment .
I mindlessly approach the stop sign and am hit by a flood of memories . The days when we'd drive this route home together . The songs we used to sing and the timeless chats we'd have . He had truly been my best friend - the ultimate companion . He'd said we were a forever thing , promised .
Yet tonight I drive alone . Like I have since we ended , and like I feel I always will . Because what's the point if it's not him say in my passenger seat ?
And as I take the final turn onto our old street , I ask myself why I'm doing this . It's not because I want to confront him , because i definitely don't . I'm too scared to face the man that shattered my heart . Instead I think it will help me to relive old times - happier ones at that .
I begin to see the house we shared come into view on my right hand side , and the same butterflies consume my stomach at the sheer knowledge my one true love resided inside .
Except he wasn't inside . He stood there , on the driveway , hugging himself in the cold autumn air . He was leaning on an unfamiliar white car which only confused me further . But that's when I saw her . The blond he'd always told me not to worry about .
She was displaying the same obnoxious flirting that she always had when in masons company . She twirled her hair around her fingers and laughed falsely at whatever he'd just said .
Oh .
I'd never even considered the possibility that he might've moved on already . Not to mention with her , the one women that was always guaranteed to make my skin crawl . She was a friend of a friend that liked to linger at our group functions every now and again . She'd never been discreet about her liking towards my boyfriend at the time , and I suppose my exit of the situation was the green light she's been waiting for .
This hurt . It really fucking hurt . How could he do that to me ?
I speed up , having seen plenty for one night . I don't stop to worry about the fact that he'd probably recognise my car , I don't even stop to take a final glance . I couldn't put myself through this for a moment longer .
The worst part was that despite everything he's done , I still fucking love him .
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Boo ! Im still alive lol
Part one of two or three .
This is super inspired by something I read a few weeks back so if any of you know who which author I'm thinking of please tag them , love u lots 🫶🏻
