Dating somebody in the limelight was possibly one of the loneliest yet most thrilling things I'd ever experienced ... even more so seeing as everybody knew me but hadn't a clue who I was .
You see I've been dating Phil for around five months now but , for reasons he liked to keep withdrawn from me , not one person knew of our relationship.
I was merely the girl that was sometimes 'spotted with the young star Phil foden' . And of course whilst some people guessed that I was a somewhat significant figure in Phils life , he himself refused to admit it . He avoided going out to eat in public , or even going to the shops together . If he had it his way I'd never leave the house with him at all , and that hurt me in more ways than i can describe
" baby , the match starts at four so I've got to head there now , I'll see you later on . Don't wait up " Phil said , leaning in and pressing a sweet kiss to my temple.
" are you sure I can't come with you ? I'll sit away from everyone else ." I proposed.
Phil merely shook his head , his eyebrows creasing at the thought of having this discussion yet again,
" I can't have this chat with you right now babe , I'm sorry. Just cheer me on from home yeah ?" He said , quickly brushing it off .
" um alright , I'll see you later then" i said faintly , and just in time before he'd slipped out of the front door .
To be honest I longed for nothing more than to be riding along in his passenger seat at that point in time , but I wasn't ... I never was . It was upsetting, humiliating even , to know that every other player's girlfriend or partner would be there to watch and support them , yet Phil just wouldn't allow me to do the same
I'd lost count of the times I'd approached the subject with him , and every time he'd come up with a reason why we should stay secret a little longer .
At first it made sense but after a while it all became stupid and repetitive ...
" the media will go crazy"
" you won't handle the hate"
"your life will change , I don't want that for you"
And every time I ate up his excuses like the deluded girl I was . And every time he got what he wanted ; for me to remain his dirty little secret .
But I'm just not sure I can take much more of it . Every day I watch him leave knowing that countless girls , all more beautiful than me , would be throwing themselves at him , completely unaware of who waited for him at home .
Everyday I watch him leave for training or a match knowing that I wasn't accompanying him like most other partners would .
And every day I wish for him to show me off in some way , give me the slightest hint that he wasn't ashamed of me . But he never showed me anything , he hid me , like he was embarrassed or something.
No matter how much anger I was channelling in his direction , I still couldn't bring myself to miss his game . I tuned in on the tv and watched intently for the man I loved . But truthfully my heart ached for the relationship I felt I deserved . I wanted to be there . I wanted people to see me .
So when he arrived home after winning his game , he strolled into view with an unmistakable grin on his handsome face .
" I thought I told you not to stay up." Phil says when he spots me sat awake in our bed , but he leans over and pulls me into a passionate kiss all the same .
" yeah well I wanted to speak to you , I can't really sleep without doing that"
" oh god am I in trouble ?" He teases as he begins to undress for bed .
" you could say that yeah" I say , watching as his exterior becomes suddenly more serious .
" right ... carry on" he says , strolling towards the bed in nothing more than his boxers and climbing in .
" Phil , I'm not sure I can carry on like this . It's stupid that we've been together for nearly six months yet you refuse to let anyone know about us . I feel like your embarrassed of me or something" I say , playing with my fingers nervously.
"What , Where's this coming from ? I'd never be embarrassed of you baby" he said , going to take my hands in his own but I push them away .
" where's this coming from ? Phil I try and have this conversation with you every day and every time you feed me another stupid excuse" I rant , watching as he thinks of something to say next .
" I - I just -" he stuttered pathetically.
" Phil , I love you but unless something changes this.." I say gesturing between the two of us , " is over" I finish , watching his face drop .
" baby please don't say shit like that . I love you too , which is why I don't want the public to find out about you . You've seen the horrible stuff people say to Sasha just for dating jack , I don't ever want to see you in that position." He explains , a pained expression on his face .
" I understand that Phil , and I love that you care , but at the end of the day I can handle it , just like Sasha does . I can't continue creeping around and doing nothing that we'd do in a normal relationship , it's humiliating and it's lonely."
" ok , ok . I hear you and I'm sorry that I've made you feel like that ." He said , going to take hold of my hands yet again , and this time I allow it .
" I'll post a picture of us which will basically confirm it , and from tomorrow we'll start going out and doing whatever it is that other couples do ."
At that moment it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest ; people would finally know about us .
" Thank you baby , Thank you." I say , wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him in to a hug .
" it's alright , but seriously if you ever feel like the hate or attention is to much please talk to me . I could never forgive myself if anything happened just because of who your dating"
" I promise" I say , leaning in and placing a long kiss to his cheek .
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Liked by masonmount and 288,542 others Philfoden: my love <3 _______________________________
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Request for @greysandfootball : )
I hope you enjoyed this one , sorry if it was a bit boring but I tried my best .
If you're in the England I hope you all are safe after the storm today , my school was closed and plenty of trees have fallen down so it was a pretty windy one 😭 lmao .
