"Oh" I breathe out , my hands gripping tightly around the phone that he insisted on snatching from my clasp .
" baby , baby please you have to understand it's not as bad as it looks -" Tyrone's voice echoed pathetically somewhere in the distance of my busy mind .
" please listen to me okay , I never meant to let it go that far" he said weakly , almost as if he was attempting to convince himself that his words were true as well as me .
But his useless explanations eased none of this all consuming feeling of betrayal that had struck me as I watched the clip of my boyfriend receiving an all telling lap dance from a very pretty young lady , the video having been sent to me by someone on Instagram.
" Tyrone . Do you really believe somewhere in that minuscule brain of yours that you can explain this ? That there will somehow be a good enough excuse? Because there is not , never will be ." I say matter of factly , trying my best to convey to him nothing more than anger . If I begin to show him how deep this wound has cut , I will crack .
" baby you don't understand-" he began , before I quickly cut him off .
" don't call me that . Not right now ." I watch as a twinge of sadness becomes clear on his features at my words , but simply wait for him to continue.
" right . But Uh basically , what I was trying to say was that I had never intended for it to get that out of hand . The lads wanted to go to that new club down in town to try it out , and I agreed . I never planned to drink much , let alone do something like that" he said , his voice dropping an octave when referring to the video .
" I don't care about what you may have intended to happen Tyrone . What matters is what has happened."
At this point , I do not have the energy , nor composure to deal with him for a second longer so I rise to my feet , grab my car Keyes and begin in the direction of our front door .
" wha- where are you going ?" He asked , knowing that in reality even if I dignified him with a response there was nothing he could say or do to keep me there in that moment .
" out ." I say , slamming the door rather forcefully behind me .
And I drove . I drove wherever I felt like going ; with only the sound of my blasting music to accompany me .
And in the end I ended up at the place I felt most disconnected from right now , the place Tyrone and I had first met . It was a cute coffee shop in town centre , cliche I know , and whilst it was closed due to it being late it felt nice to park opposite the spot and think .
If you had told Me two years ago that the sweet guy who had pleaded for my number and charmed me off my feet would hurt me in such a humiliating way , I simply wouldn't have believed you. There was not one point in our relationship that I would've ever questioned Tyrone's loyalty, I always knew I could trust him on boys nights out or even when he stayed away for long periods of time with England . But now I would question him , I mean I've been forced to in a way , because his hands were all over somebody who is not me . In my mind that is something ridiculously hard to come back from. In one video he broke the trust that we'd spent years building.
My mind was so distant that I'd not even noticed my phone practically blowing up with notifications from none other than Tyrone .
T <3
please come home .
You are coming back right?
Seriously it's not funny ,
U shouldn't be by yourself
At night .
Please just let me know
Your alright .
Please I'm not joking
I need to know your okay
Answer me .
Baby please I'm sorry
Just come home
I don't reply but instead take it as a sign that i should head back , seeing as I'd been gone for a lengthy amount of time by now .
And as I swing the front door open it's safe to say I've never been engulfed in a hug quite so rashly . He clung on to my figure as if letting go meant he could never hold me again .
" Jesus , I thought something had happened ... I thought maybe you weren't coming back ." Tyrone said weakly
And despite my anger with him , it pained me to know that I'd caused him anxiety.
" well obviously I was going to come back , I live here don't I ?"
" you still want to ? Live here I mean ." He asked , following me into the lounge .
" Tyrone , I don't want to leave you . I just need you to understand that what you did isn't okay . How would you feel if you were sent a video of some guy grinding on me or something?" I ask to prove my point , and have to hold back a laugh at the irony when he pulls a disgusted face .
" I'd kill him"
"Exactly. I trusted you to go out without me and keep your hands off other girls, I mean it's like the bare minimum Tyrone"
" I know , I know and I'm sorry . I don't know what I was thinking I was just pissed and going along with anything"
" But my point is I should be able to trust you not to do something like that . You shouldn't want to ."
" I don't want to though , why would I want another girl when I have you ?" he said , trying to pull me in to him but I'm quick to brush him off .
"Baby I'm so , so sorry . It won't happen again , I promise you ." He continues desperately.
" I believe you Tyrone , I do . But it's going to take a while for me to trust you again."
" I understand, but I'll prove to you that you're the only girl I want . I won't go out anymore if that would make you happy ?" He suggested .
" obviously I don't want that Tyrone , you're a grown man who is perfectly capable of going out without your girlfriend. I just want to be able to trust that you won't go getting lap dances from random girls in a club."
" and I won't , you can trust me . After seeing you like this today I doubt I'll ever glance in another girl's direction again"
" alright" I breathe out softly and finally accept his advances for a kiss .
" god I love you" he said into my hair once I'd melted into his side .
" ditto" I grin at the man I love .
__________________________
Hey guys , sorry I've been gone it feels like I'm always apologising for not posting enough haha .
I won't go into much detail because after all I'm a stranger to you guys , but my cousin passed away on Easter . We were close and he was far to young so It's safe to say I'm struggling .
I don't want sympathy or anything I'm just explaining because I know I promised to update more and I've been distracted because of this .
I hope you're all doing good and enjoyed this . It's kinda bad but I know a few of you guys live Tyrone ;)
