Breakable (a Wesley Stromberg fan fic)

Fourty One

Skye's POV

"Skye" I heard my mom's voice coming from down the hall and a few seconds later she appeared at my bedroom door, "You have to get up or you'll be late" she urged me. "I don't feel so good mom. I'm just going to stay home today" I said, it wasn't a lie, I felt terrible but it wasn't because I was sick. My mom sat on the edge of my bed, gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and told me to rest up, she trusted me if I said I wasn't up for going to school. After she left my room I laid in bed, doing what I had been doing for the past 10 hours, just thinking about how stupid I had been. Every time I thought I had come to grips with the fact that Wesley had played me, I would remember Saturday night and I would feel sick to my stomach again. I can't believe I had practically forced him to have sex with me, I was so embarrassed and I felt so foolish, I had fallen so hard for his stupid smile and charming ways. What was I thinking, I thought to myself angrily, 'You were thinking you were in love with him', my inner voice pointed out the obvious. It was at this point in the wretched cycle that I would get a stabbing pain in my chest.

I had laid awake living the same emotional cycle all night, I would feel foolish, then get angry, then feel hurt, then cry, then feel foolish again. The pain in my chest proved to me that 'heart broken' wasn't just a figure of speech, it was an actually physical feeling, and it sucked. I had fallen in love with Wesley, despite all my big talk about not wanting a boyfriend, I had gone against everything I believed and fallen for him. The aching that consumed my heart was so intense that it made me cry, I felt the tears welling up like they had the previous 10 or 11 times I had gone through this revolving door of crappiness. I wondered if anything Wesley had said was the truth, had he really even liked me or was I just another tick on his mental scoreboard of girls in our year? I felt ashamed that I even cared, he got what he wanted then ended things, what did it matter if at any point his feelings were real, that certainly didn't seem to matter to him now. I was back to feeling foolish and on my way to angry again, I had to break out of this never ending stream of sadness and hurt.

I slowly crawled out of bed and made my way into the bathroom, hoping that a shower would help bring me to life. It was stupid of me to think that some hot water and a loofah would wash away all the pain and regret I was filled with. I stood in the shower letting the water run over me and cried, Wesley had gotten what he was after and then broken up with me via a text, how had I misread him so badly? My tears mingled with the water running down my face, the image of Wesley in my mind still confused me. The Wesley I was in love with was amazing, he was sweet and polite and caring but that wasn't the Wesley who Ben spoke of or the Wesley who text me last night. I can't believe I had sex for the first time with a douche bag, I was wrong when I had said I'd never regret anything I did with Wesley. I regretted everything, from letting him take my detention to going on a date with him, kissing him, falling for him and especially sleeping with him. My tears had stopped, I was too angry to be sad right now, so I turned off the shower and dried off.

Once I was dressed, in fresh pj's, I felt like a break up allowed me a full day of pj's, I headed downstairs to the kitchen. I hadn't eaten since breakfast yesterday and although I wasn't really hungry I felt like I should eat. Nothing in the fridge or cupboard seemed appetising but the chocolate fudge icecream in the freezer was calling my name. I rationalised eating it for breakfast by remembering all the sappy movies I had seen where a girl drowns her sorrows in icecream after getting dumped. I grabbed the tub and a spoon and settled in on the living room couch, hoping to distract myself from my absolute shame and heart break with some TV. I flipped through the channels finally settling on a Lifetime movie, it was about a girl who had just been dumped and so she moved away to start a new life. I wished I could move, then I wouldn't have to face the kids at school and their incessant gossip, which would no doubt be about me and Wesley breaking up for at least the next few days. I wouldn't have to see Wesley again either, my stomach churned, I still couldn't believe he could be such an asshole.

I lifted another spoonful of icecream to my lips, I stopped myself, I was not this person. I may have made a mistake with getting a boyfriend but I definately wasn't going to be the type of person who sat in their pj's on a Monday eating icecream for breakfast wishing their life was a Lifetime movie. I had officially suffered my first heart break, it was bound to happen and better to have it over and done with, now I know why I never wanted a boyfriend. So I had fallen for his crap, I wasn't about to let one stupid mistake ruin my last few months of high school. I sprang off the couch, feeling a lot better, there was still a dull aching in my heart but I'd get over it. I raced up to my room, grabbed my phone and threw myself on my bed. I quickly unlocked it and went to my contacts list, stopping at Wesley's name. I hesitated for a second but then deleted his information, I felt a little bit better, a little bit more in control. I deleted his texts before messaging Taylor, 'Shopping after school?'. I was surprised she replied so quickly, I figured she'd be in class, 'Sure....but I thought you were sick?'. I guess the gossip about me and Wesley breaking up hasn't reached her yet, I text her telling her I would explain after school.

I walked to meet Taylor at the shops and filled her in on everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. I told her about what Ben had told me about Wesley, and how he had kissed me and how Wesley had ended things. "Skye, I'm so sorry" she said, as we walked inside a store. "I'll get over it" I told her hoping it was the truth, "But for now I need your help" I added. Her eyebrows raised, "I want to enjoy the rest of our time at school, I certainly don't want to only remember my senior year as the time when I got my heart squished", I explained to her. Taylor asked me how she could help, "Help me pick out some new clothes" I answered her, her face lit up. "Nothing crazy", I warned her, "Just some fun new outfits for summer" I finished but she was barely listening. Taylor was already rifling through the racks and within a few minutes she had an armful of clothes for me to try on. I spent the next hour in the change room trying on what felt like everything in the store, Taylor just kept bringing things in and I would put them on. I wasn't sure if I was impulse shopping to make myself feel better but I knew I had worked hard for the money I was spending and treating myself felt good.

Mom wasn't home when I got home, thankfully, because I don't think she would have been too impressed with me walking in, arms full of shopping bags. Taylor had driven me home, she had asked me about Wesley and if I regretted sleeping with him. I had to fight the urge to cry and push down the lump in my throat, I told her I did and she went on a rant about how much she hated Wesley. She made me smile, she was so feisty and passionate and I wished I had that kind of fire in me. I made a mental note to start being more like her, what with new clothes and a new attitude, I was making a good start. I dumped all my new clothes and make up onto my bed and went about putting it away so mom wouldn't notice all the new things I had. I had just finished hanging up the last of my purchases, a black dress, when I heard my mom let herself in the front door. I went down to talk to her, I wanted to tell her about me and Wesley, not everything but that he wouldn't be coming over anymore. She looked up as I entered the kitchen, "Hey sweetie. Feeling better?" she asked me. "Much" I replied, again this was the truth, I pulled myself up to sit on the kitchen counter. "Hey mom" I began, she looked up at me from the mail she was flipping through. "Just so you know, Wesley won't be coming over anymore", I told her, she looked disappointed. "Skye, I bet you can fix it. He's so sweet and genuine", she said, she had been tricked by him as well it seemed. I didn't want to tell her how he wasn't sweet or genuine at all, why have her hate him too, "Yes he is, but he's just not the right guy for me" I lied. She nodded, accepting my answer, "Well you always make good decisions so I'm sure this is for the best", she added. I cringed, if only she knew just how bad my choices had been lately.

I was exhausted so I went to bed early, I had gotten no sleep the night before and had spent hours trying on clothes with Taylor. When I was finally settled in bed all the pain and anger found it's way back to me, it seems that with nothing to distract me I wasn't able to think about anything else besides Wesley. Regardless of everything that had happened I was still in love with Wesley, it may not have been the real Wesley but I had spent the past month with an amazing guy, even if it was all fake. I wondered what he was thinking right now, was he gloating that he had another name on his list, was he with another girl, that thought brought back the stabbing in my chest. I hated the idea that he was probably so proud of himself or that he would move on so quickly, I wondered if he had any idea how much he had hurt me or if he even cared. I vowed to myself not to let him see how much he had crushed me, I had basically given him everything that I had but I couldn't stand the idea of giving him the satisfaction of him knowing he had broken my heart as well.