A Lifetime Promise

Bonus 3: Lin Xinglan

People would usually think that I was a happy, lazy person who liked to be curious and mischievous. What they didn't know was that I loved to hide my true feelings. Loved as in always wanting to hide them. For what reasons did I have to tell them to someone? For me, I thought it was useless and it was a bother to do so. People had their own problems and sufferings, I didn't want to add more negativity because of my own feelings.

When I died and transmigrated, I tried to act like it was not a big deal but in truth; I was afraid, everything was unfamiliar to me,  but I sucked it up and just went with the flow. I was happy I became Jingyi's friend, he was my first friend in the second lifetime. I enjoyed his company, I really did.

When the village was raided by bandits and got burned down, I was truly sad; I wanted to cry so badly. Why? Why did they had to die? They didn't deserve it, they were all kind hearted people so why was I the only one who survived? I didn't know. No matter how much I tried to cry, something stopped me from doing it. When I was alone in the capital, searching for a job, I almost gave up. I was starving, I was thirsty and poor. I was grateful for the old man to hire me and let me even live at his place.

What broke my heart the most was that I had left Jingyi. But what could be done? This wasn't my original modern world but an ancient one where status and equality were unfair. He was a prince and I was merely an orphaned commoner. I didn't want to leave him; I wanted to stay with him. However, I had to think of his future so I left him with only a letter.

Anyhow, I was glad I was able to help Jingyi with his academics—even if it was a little. I wondered how he was doing every day. Sometimes, I would worry about his safety and health. Was he living well? Was he eating everyday? Did he forget about me?

So many questions I couldn't ask him in person.

When I saw him again after so many years, I almost lost it—well, I did lost it later on. I was happy but at the same worried. Why? Why did he had to come back and confuse me even more?

How he acted towards me, how he treated me and how he cared for me—all that, I admitted I didn't get the clues at first, but then I actually did. I was so happy, I felt so warm inside and I didn't know what to do. I lacked courage and I was useless with showing my feelings so I had troubles. I found out I had feelings for Jingyi but I didn't make my move. He and I were so different, it wouldn't be fair for him. He was such a good and talented person, his smiles were always adorable. What did I do to deserve him?

As time passed by, I realized; it didn't matter how different we were. It didn't matter what others thought, and Jingyi was strong enough to not rely on other people. On the other hand, I was a coward. Even then, I wasn't able to tell him my feelings for him. So I acted ignorant; I was scared and I didn't know how to act. I was useless, I know.

I was so relieved I managed to tell him about myself; I was so relieved he believed me no matter how ridiculous it had sound when I told him the things. I was glad I met him.

The reason why I wanted to join the treasure hunt was because I had heard from the old man that there were a rare couple rings being a part of the legendary treasure. I thought it was a good idea to use it as an opportunity to confess to him. I would boldly tell him my feelings for him and if he accepted me, I would give him one of the rings while I would keep the other. Thinking about it, it was such an awesome plan; not only would it make me brave, it would be quite romantic.

I had always known I had such a bad luck but I didn't know why. Because Fu Hanyu killed the enemy for me, he was killed. Even if I loathed him, even if I hated him for what he did to me in our past lives, he was still the person who hanged out with me when I didn't have friends. He was my loathsome enemy and I would always wished for his death but I never really wanted him to die. Now, he was gone. My regret was that I never managed to thank him for saving me, to tell him that I was sorry and that I would never forget him.

Who would had thought the legendary treasure didn't exist from the very beginning. I was so mad, and sad; all the people who were killed because of the treasure, they died for nothing.

Not only that, my plan completely failed. I didn't have any rings and since we fell for a trap, the atmosphere was terrible. What rights did I have to suddenly confess? On what basis did I think I was to confess after finding out that we all got tricked? Where would my courage even come from? So I decided to remain silent.

I had always been dumb and clumsy, I realized.

Not long ago after the treasure hunt had completely ended, I couldn't believe I had such a massive courage.

All things considered, I was thankful I had a second chance to live; I was able to meet the people I cared, I was able to get to know Jingyi.

Playing with his hair, I continued to grin like a fool I was.

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Ah? I am innocent, I tell you! It wasn't my intention to make you all sad... Except for Fu Hanyu's part. 

Well, this is truly the end of this story. I really hope you all enjoyed it somehow. I am planning to do Q&A so if you have questions, just shoot me with them.

However, if there are similar or same questions I will just take one of them to answer.

You have like a week on you to comment the questions you want to ask me related to ALP.