Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

38. Losing him

Peter was restless all day, and everything Robin did startled him. The younger frowned at him a lot and asked him multiple times if he was okay, to which Peter had stammered a few words before leaving the room. He was afraid his strange behaviour would make Robin feel insecure, but his mind was all over the place, especially now that something he thought he had sorted out resurfaced.

It was Sunday afternoon when he couldn't handle it anymore, so he turned to Robin and asked: 'Is it possible for me to leave? I really want to talk to my mother. Alone.'

'Sure,' Robin replied with a smile. 'Make sure to talk it through thoroughly. You seem really stressed these days.'

No shit.

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'Well, would you look at that!' his mom exclaimed when she opened the door. 'It's been a while since our son had visited us without his kids. Oh, you look so agitated, come in quickly.'

Peter simply nodded and walked in, taking off his shoes and coat before entering the room. His dad was sitting in his armchair as always. He was reading a book but still looked up and smiled at Peter. Peter returned the smile.

'Coffee?' his mom asked.

'Yes please,' Peter said, sitting down on the couch.

'What are you reading?' he asked his dad. The man raised his book for Peter to see. 'Men's search for meaning,' Peter read out loud. He knew it, it was a book about prisoners during World War II. His dad liked to read books about the Second World War.

Peter's paternal grandfather was just nine years old when he came to Australia as a holocaust survivor, along with his oldest brother. He had lost his entire family, which consisted of his grandparents who lived with them, three older sisters, four older brothers, a younger brother and his parents, in the concentration camps.

He had passed away when Peter was just five years old from lung cancer, so Peter had never known him well, but from his few memories and what his mom had told him he was a very reserved man, even more quiet than his youngest son, Peter's father. But that was completely understandable, having gone through so much trauma at such a young age. Peter didn't know how he was before that, since he had never told anyone about it, except for his wife, but it was likely that he was already rather silent and after his trauma, he had shut himself off completely. It was tragic.

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'How are you?' Peter's mom asked as she handed him a cup of coffee and sat next to him. Peter simply sighed and shook his head, sipping his coffee. It was a little hot so he put it down.

'Something is bothering you,' she stated. 'Tell me, what is it? You didn't bring the kids, so is it Robin?'

'Hm.' Peter wondered how his mom saw through him so well. Felicia resembled her in that aspect, especially since Robin had broken through her defense and she had gained a deeper understanding of emotions. Peter still felt guilty for not being the good dad he should be. As soon as he was ready, he should sit down with her and have a talk about Leah.

'Is he all better now?' his mom inquired. She had stayed with Robin when Peter talked to Anita. Despite Robin's panicky reaction when he said his mother would come, he seemed rather refreshed when Peter returned, so he guessed they must have had nice conversations. He was glad that the two got closer. Even though he knew no one could ever replace Robin's mom, he still wanted Robin to have somewhat of a mother figure in his life. Exactly at moments like these, Peter was really glad to have someone he could confide in, someone who knew him like no one else.

'Yes, he is still a bit tired, but it's a good thing, at least he's sleeping well,' Peter said. 'I can see he's getting better, maybe he just needed some time off all along.'

'So if it's not Robin's health that's concerning you, what is it then?'

'I don't really know how... to put this.'

'It's okay, you can tell me anything, you know that even though I like to talk I can keep secrets like no other, right?'

Peter nodded. 'Yeah... I guess I should just tell you then. You see, Robin had a few dreams when he was sick, I won't go into detail, but it lead us to talk about them and he ended up coming out to me as gay.'

'Okay. And?'

'You're not surprised?' Peter asked in confusion.

'Not even in the slightest. But go on, it's not his sexuality that's bothering you, right?'

Peter shook his head. 'Of course not! He's such a wonderful person, how could I ever like him less for something like that? No, um, actually...'

He glanced at his mom, not knowing where to look. 'I just realized... I may have feelings for him. Not because he is gay, but because I never thought of it before. And I just don't know... if I really have feelings for him, what should I do about it, and what about Leah? Does this mean I am bisexual, and what will the kids think of it?' He hid his head in his hands. 'I really don't know what to do.'

'Oh-oh.' Peter heard his mom laugh quietly. 'You worry so much.'

Peter removed his hands. 'Don't tell me you knew about that too.'

'Of course I did. I gave birth to you, I have known you for over 26 years and I wouldn't notice your obvious feelings? You're lucky that he's rather dense himself.'

She took Peter's hands in hers. 'You knew we will love you no matter what, right? So why are you afraid of loving him?'

'I'm not afraid of loving him,' Peter said. 'I am afraid of losing him. If I give him my entire heart and he's to leave one day, just like Leah... how would I survive a second heartbreak?'

'But it seems like you have already given your heart to him. If you keep waiting and waiting and denying it, do you think that will make him stay? Eventually he will start to feel lonely too and he might meet someone else-'

'He won't find someone else,' Peter said quickly. 'He said he wanted to stay for a long time and that we were his dream. He won't leave us like that.'

His mom smiled. 'Well, isn't that your answer?'

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Hello everybody, I am back from the dead. I have been working hard on a book I hope to get published soon. I'm currently wrapping up the manuscript and felt like spending a little time on my side stories again. So here's a chapter I still had in my drafts. I have a few more chapters drafted, but I hope I can find my way out of my writer's block before I get there. In the meantime: enjoy!

No K-Pop, just Filipino pride. The rap on the second verse tho👀