Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

31. It hurts

Peter took care of Robin carefully that morning. He went upstairs regularly in between keeping David busy and amused and sat on the edge of his bed for a while, looking at the boy and wondering what it could have been that had triggered the boy to the extent of giving him a high fever like this. What kind of shit had he had to endure that caused him this much trauma? The mere thought of it saddened Peter a lot.

After lunch, he took David upstairs with him, so the boy could have a nap in the "big bed". Peter himself stayed for a while, though he was supposed to stay in touch with the school, but he could do that later anyway. He had called the school and explained the situation, and even though it was slightly out of procedure, they let him off since he had stood in for other teachers multiple times and probably because everyone knew about the tragedy that had happened in his life last year. They were very considerate about it. 

David slept silently and calmly like usual, but Robin started to move more, beads of sweat starting to grow on his forehead. The medicine that Peter had given him this morning might be losing its effect, so Peter took a new pill from the strip and a glass of water, and he was about to turn back to Robin when he froze.

'Dad...' he heard Robin's voice, stifled and trembling. 'Dad, don't go... don't leave us...'

Peter turned around. Robin was still asleep, but he was dreaming. His breaths were quickening, his lips quivering.

'I'm sorry... I'm sorry.' he mumbled in his dream. 'Please come back, dad. Please... I will... I will try. Just... don't go. Mom-'

His voice broke as a tear slipped from the corner of his eye, mixing with the beads of sweat.

Then, he quieted down again. Peter, still shocked, was about to help him sit up to give him the medicine when the younger's lips moved again. This time quieter, Peter had to move his head closer to hear it. 'Mom... don't cry, please... don't cry... don't cry... it's my fault. It's all my fault.'

This time, he stopped moving, and there was just another tear slipping from his eyes. 'I'm sorry, mom.'

Peter was in shock, feeling pain in his chest for the younger. He was dreaming, but obviously those dreams weren't just a bad fantasy. They were probably his traumas coming back to him after the trigger caused him to not be able to hold them off anymore. And this, it sounded like...

Robin's dad abandoned them. That thought broke Peter's heart. His own dad might not be the most apparent person in his life, but he would never ever abandon Peter. No matter what he did. It was a security Peter had always considered a given, but this made him realize that he was blessed.

He clenched his fist. No matter what reasons Robin's dad had for abandoning a literal angel and a wife with a golden heart, the fact that he did it made him a really bad jerk. And that was an understatement.

But what made it even worse was the fact that it sounded like Robin was putting the blame upon himself. He was apologizing for his dad, saying he would try. Try what? Probably something he had tried multiple times before, but it hadn't worked. Knowing Robin, he would have already given his all and didn't know what to do, that was the way he was, he would never intentionally hurt someone, he was that kind of person who would try everything to solve the hurt, even if it wasn't something meant to be solved or the person wasn't worth it.

He was apologizing to his mom for making his dad leave. But it couldn't possibly be his fault. Peter was sure of that. 

He put the medicine away to take Robin's hand in both his hands. 

'It's not your fault, Robin.' he said quietly. 'It can't be your fault.'

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For the rest of the day, Robin doesn't talk in his sleep in his sleep anymore, he is relatively calm. But soon, the moon is up, and Peter is lying next to him, unable to sleep, when the twenty-year-old starts moving uncomfortably again, and this time it's worse. 

'Why?' he mumbles, his hands tightening on the bed sheets. 'Why did you do that? Why...'

Peter immediately sat up straight. Who in his right mind had had the actual guts to make the younger feel like this?

Robin was silent again, but suddenly he broke down into sobs. 'It hurts, mom. It hurts so much. My heart... I wish I could just... die.'

Those words twisted Peter's heart in a way he had never felt before. Without thinking twice, he pulled the boy up into his arms and held him tight. 'You can't die, Robin. You're way too precious.' he whispered.

Robin was just crying, crying, crying. 'I-it hurts, it hurts...' 

Peter had the idea that this trauma was not about his dad leaving anymore, it sounded way too different from what he had said before. Did that mean that this was another trauma?

Peter absolutely hated that thought. 

'It's over now.' He patted Robin's back softly. 'I won't let anyone hurt you, okay?'

Peter felt something like a small nod but he wasn't entirely sure. The younger held onto Peter weakly, resting against him powerlessly, just crying. His hot tears burned Peter's shoulder. His quiet sobs burned Peter's soul.

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I hate having to make Robin suffer like this.

Did I tell you I am an AKMU stan now? I really like how deep their songs can be, and their voices are really complementing each other. I mean they're bro n sis but really, listen.