Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

86. Pathetic

Robin's POV

And so it happened. That weekend, Isaac and Robin went to the theatre together. Robin loved it. He was chattering excitedly when they left the theatre and walked towards Isaac's car. Even though the boy seemed unwilling to tell him much about himself, he knew a little bit more about him now, mainly that his parents were really rich, but also never home. He was an only child and claimed to love the freedom, but he still seemed sad most of the time. Which was completely understandable to Robin. Though he had always fantasised about being rich and able to do everything he wanted, he wouldn't exchange the love he and his mom shared for all the gold in the world. To him, that was worth much more than everything else.

'Do you want to go home with me?' Isaac asked when they entered the luxurious car. He looked at Robin with an expression Robin couldn't quite put his finger on. He looked at Robin without blinking, though his eyes were half-closed. It sounded like a mumble rather than an actual question.

'I'm not sure...' he hesitated. It was late already.

'Sleep over,' Isaac said. 'My parents aren't home anyway. They won't be home until Tuesday, in fact. We can do... anything we want.'

Now, the way he looked at Robin was more intense and his voice had lowered. Robin felt a tingle travelling down his spine, but it didn't feel bad. 'What do you have in mind?'

Isaac glanced around quickly. Then, he leaned over and kissed Robin.

'That's how it started,' Robin told Peter. 'There was just an instant click. It started out mostly physical, but after a while he started to open up to me more, mainly about his parents, his ex and his sexuality. He told me he thought he was mistaken about his feelings about her. He thought that he had been gay all along and that's why it didn't work out. But he never stopped talking about her. Even after six months, he'd bring her up during dates, take me to places he'd taken her to, claiming it would help him move on. But in hindsight, I feel like that was more of a wish than him actually moving on. But anyway, that relationship was over. I knew her name, he showed me her Insta, and she had a new relationship too. I mean, it isn't totally impossible they cheated, he was a sneaky b*tch, but I never noticed them hanging out.

'Although it's not like I really had a chance to notice. Isaac kept us very lowkey. We went on six dates during our thirteen months of dating. As for the rest, it was just us hanging out at his house. House dates, he called it. Only when his parents weren't home. We would talk, watch musicals, kiss, stuff like that. I wanted to meet his friends, but he didn't want me to, saying they would notice anyway and he wasn't ready to come out that. He kept saying that. Whenever he brought it up, he said he wasn't ready. I was okay with that, but sometimes it made me feel like sh*t, so to compensate for that he took me on those dates. Though I couldn't help feeling like he was losing interest in me.

'After eight months, he started cancelling plans and seemed absent. Sometimes he spent over twenty minutes in the toilet while I was with him. He checked out his phone even more than he usually did. Whenever I talked to him, he'd reply by nodding or humming, regardless of what I said. I felt like he was getting tired of me and tried to get his attention by giving him even more. I got desperate, so I kept doing the one thing I knew would get his attention every time: have sex with him. Even if I didn't feel like it, I just did it for these small moments in between where he'd give me that look that made me feel special, like I was the only one in the world right now. That's how pathetic I was.'

'Don't say that,' Peter said, halting and squeezing Robin's hand, which he had been holding all the way. 'You're not pathetic for wanting to be loved. It's a basic human desire, of which he took advantage. It's disgusting how he made you feel like your body was the only worthy thing about you. You are so much more than just that.'

'I know,' Robin sighed. 'I mean, my therapist told me that too and I keep trying to tell myself, but he screwed it over real bad. Part of me trying to please him was me looking at myself through his eyes. I guess part of that view stuck with me.'

'That's totally understandable,' Peter said. 'But it doesn't make it any less untrue.'

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I suddenly got reminded of the existence of this story by the new Taylor Swift album lol. My bestie is a hardcore swiftie so ofc I had to listen to it as well. Can y'all believe there are literally two songs named "Peter" and "Robin", only one song apart? I love it, so I'll add both today.

The Robin one is so cute tho~