Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

35. Reason

Robin healed quickly. He still slept rather early on Wednesday, but he didn't have any nightmares. By Thursday, his fever was very slight, but Peter still insisted on taking care of him. 'If you don't allow your body to fully restore itself, you might just become sick again after a while and I will have to take another week off.'

Robin had agreed then, though he moved downstairs and did a bit of drawing in the afternoon. He looked really relaxed and Peter caught himself staring at the boy a lot while he was trying to read a book. Leah had never been that artistic, he realized. So that was one difference between her and Robin. On the other hand, he was just as focussed on the drawing as Leah could be on a difficult formula.

Peter cooked that day, and Robin was intrigued. Even though Peter told him to lay down, he still came to the kitchen to watch. Seated on the kitchen counter, he watched everything Peter did intensely. 

'Why, is it that interesting?' Peter chuckled.

'Hm, I've never seen you cook before.'

'That's because you love cooking so much, and I love your food, so I let you cook.' Peter said, smiling.

'I like this too, though. It smells better than I expected.'

'Should I feel flattered or offended?' Peter wondered.

'Who knows?' Robin giggled and hopped off the counter. 'I'm gonna lay down at the couch now. Bye!'

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When Peter woke up on Friday, Robin had already left the bed and he smelled the smell of omelettes, a smell he had missed in the past week. 

Robin was all better and just as bright as always. Peter had called the school yesterday to tell them that he would come to school on Friday. After all, Robin was confident about being able to and Friday was his shortest work day anyway. And it was better anyway since he had class 7E too and he didn't want to burden the stand-in teacher any more than was necessary. 

Just two more weeks until holidays, he realized. He really looked forward to spending two weeks at the ranch with John, Robin and the kids. 

The day flew by and soon it was 8PM, already dark outside as winter had kicked in, Peter put Felicia to bed and when he came downstairs Robin met him with coffee, reminding him of the first Wednesday, when the boy had offered to keep him company. Remembering how shy he was back then, Peter had to hold back a chuckle. Robin had certainly become a bit more fearless since then. But Peter liked it. He had opened up to Peter a bit. Not entirely. Peter knew he still had a few secrets. And a backstory apart of his mom. 

Peter wanted to wait until he was ready, but since the nightmares, he had started to get worried. Robin was still suffering from it, and he was blaming himself.

Therefore, he carefully addressed it when they sat down. 'Did you... have really bad dreams when you were sick?'

'I can't remember much.' Robin said. 'Though it felt a bit eerie after waking up. Why?'

Peter bit his lip, unsure if he should tell Robin.

'Why?' Robin insisted, his voice trembling a bit.

'You... you talked in your sleep.'

'I... did?' Robin slowly turned pale. 'What did I say?'

'You... said it was your fault.' Peter said. 'You asked your dad to stay. You were crying too. You told your mom to not cry and...' 

"I wish I could just die."

'You were in pain. There were two times when you talked in your sleep.'

"Isaac..."

'Hm, that's it.'

Robin let out a sigh, but didn't talk.

Peter took a deep breath. 'Tell me if I am crossing the line and you don't want to answer, but why would you say it's your fault?'

Robin sighed again. 'Hm, you're not crossing the line, it's okay. I was going to tell you one day anyway.'

Peter saw how shaky his usually stable hands were and when Robin noticed him looking at him he hid them in the sleeves of his sweater, resting them in his lap. Peter reached over to put his hand on top of Robins', holding them. 'It's okay,' he said, 'take your time.'

Robin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 'As I told you, my dad left when I was twelve. He abandoned me and my mom. I know mentally that it's not my fault that he left since my mom said so, but he told me it was my fault continuously, but I'm the reason he left anyway, even though I couldn't do much about it.'

'Why?' Peter was confused. 'How were you the reason?'

'I disappointed him. He had always wanted me to be a dad to many children, giving them his genes and all since of course I was the only child, so all his hopes were on me. And then he found out I would never give him grandchildren. At the age of eleven, I was already sure that I liked boys, so I came out of the closet. I never expected it to be this disastrous. But yes, that was the reason. Because I'm gay.'

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I mean we've been knew but dayum-

When I listen to this song it feels like it's summer again. I miss summer already.

It's summer in Australia tho. I wanna move.